Date With An Angel
by flutterby cupcake
Summary: This is a companion piece to the story Fifty First Dates that I've been working on. Dean's perspective, as Castiel tries to get as many dates as he can from Dean - despite Dean only agreeing to one. Destiel, possible slash, definite fluff.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh, I know, another story! GrammarDemon asked if there was ever going to be Dean's perspective to Fifty First Dates and then this happened. I'll be catching this up to where 50FD is, then writing the chapters together and posting simultaneously, when I do update. Hopefully, anyway. As they're companion pieces, dialogue will repeat.**

**Also, I'm off to Asylum12 tomorrow! Driving to my friend's house an hour and a half away on my own, absolutely pooing myself! It'll be fine once she's in the car :D just have to get to her! But deep, in three days time I'll be hanging with Jared and Misha and everyone. Still don't quite believe it! anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

It's funny how things settle into a routine. Even in a job like mine, you find yourself following the same patterns, doing the same things, even without meaning to.

Like how Sammy's suddenly decided, in some latest health-kick maybe, that whenever we're not working a job, or we're just doing research, that he's going to sleep at ten every night. And he's stuck to it, every night. I wish I could switch off so easy, but I'm lucky if I sleep at all.

Luckily, my best friend is a being who can't sleep, because his angel mojo means he never has to. So we've started our own routine of waiting for Sam to go to sleep and we drink beer and shoot the shit, talk about all kinds of things. I've been trying to get Cas talking about all kinds of things he finds strange about humans. He's such a kooky guy, but he's good for comedy. I loved him talking about salad. He was all "I don't understand why Sam looks for various uncooked vegetables to cut them up and mix them together just to eat them separately. It seems an odd practice." Cas is comedy gold.

Tonight, he's been talking about human mating rituals - his words, he means dating - and his opinion is, well, I guess it's an angel thing.

"Humans have very complex mating rituals, I've noticed over the years. You all like to believe that you're the more advanced generation, but it's not true. There are repetitions that occur, it just depends on which style is more acknowledged." See? Total angel thing. I think he's told me the divine equivalent of _your generation didn't invent sex, you know_. But Cas is just getting warmed up. "I don't fully understand where the distinctions come from, but I know some people prefer to announce themselves as a couple, and eventually declare themselves betrothed. And once they've married, they finally have intercourse."

I was not expecting him to say that. I nearly spat my beer out, then sucked in a breath and ended up almost choking instead. He barely let me recover before he carried on talking.

"And there are people like yourself, who will have sex with several partners in a row, who see it completely separate to a relationship. Who don't even seem interested in a relationship."

So … wait, does Cas think I'm not interested in dating? I've dated before. I've had relationships before. There's been girls I've wanted to date who haven't been interested. I still regret not banging Jo Harvelle, she was amazing. And did Cas just call me a whore? He paused for a moment, so I guess he was just letting that sink in.

'Then I've noticed, there are those who seek a partner. They may be with their partner for one night, or a week, maybe even a year, but they're the ones unsatisfied with their lot. So after the night, or the week, however long, they look for another partner, someone who will fill the void they believe that they have. That's what I've noticed about humans approaches to courting.'

That actually sounds more like me. But explaining that to Castiel feels like it'd be more effort than it's worth. I feel a little bit like I have to defend humans right now, probably because somehow, and I don't know how, but somehow this feels personal.

'Sometimes it's not that black and white, Cas. And there's all kinds of relationships out there. It depends on who you are, how the person you're with defines themselves, what you're trying to get out of the situation, whether you're on the same page. Some people get married to the people they thought were going to be one night stands. Some people never get married.'

He did that slow blink, head tilt, squint thing he does. Does he think all humans stay the same, forever? Is that what normal angels are like? Because Cas changes a lot, man. He's practically human himself. He just doesn't realise it yet.

'I don't think I understand, Dean.'

Great, now I have to explain something really basic like it's a fucking math formula. Why can't Sam handle Cas when he's like this? He never seems to struggle with any of Sam's concepts.

'Well, like, you mentioned me. And you'd be right, sometimes, most times, sex is just sex. Okay, it's not just sex, because it's _sex_, you know? It's one of my favourite things to do, and most of the time, I'm just looking for someone willing to join in, to enjoy it for what it is, no expectations that I'd even be there in the morning. And I'm lucky Cas, there's a lot of women out there who are okay with it, so long as you spell it out. But I've had relationships too. I was with Cassie for a few years. I keep going back to Lisa. And when I was with both of them, sex with anyone else was off the cards. Sex with the two of them was off the cards until they made it clear it was what they wanted. And I was happy to wait, Cas, because they meant something. And if it took a whole week for them to decide to sleep with me, it was fine.'

I meant that last bit as a joke. Of course I woulda waited longer for Cassie and Lisa, if they wanted that. I don't think Cas got that, because he settled on something else I'd said. I wish I knew what he's getting at.

'What made you decide to treat Cassie and Lisa differently?'

I laughed, and took a sip of beer, Cas watching me closely as I did, leaning forward in his seat a little. He's getting really intense … oh man, he has a girl, doesn't he? He's met some human and he wants dating advice and he's smart enough to know not to ask me for any straight up. I wish I could make it any easier on him, the poor guy, but it's just not that black and white.

'You just know, Cas, like, deep in your gut. When you're with them, it's different, and you can feel that it's different for them too. It's, I don't know, intuition. You just, you know you can talk about it, and they'd say they want the same thing too. Or maybe not even that, maybe you both love the same music or the same food, or you've been friends forever and somehow you keep thinking of something more with them. And you give a crap about hearing about their day and wanna learn stuff about them. Trivial shit that doesn't really mean anything, not in the big picture, but somehow make their day better. Which side of the bed they sleep on, which hand they write with, favourite colours, how they take their coffee. Whatever. And normally you wouldn't care how someone you'd just screwed took their coffee, but the one you wanna wake up next to the next day, and the day after that? It's good to know if you need to get creamer in the morning, you know?'

He sat there for a second, and I knew he was taking it all in. Good, maybe we can get off this topic because I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. I hope he got enough out of that to figure out what to do about this chick, whatever the issue is.

'How do you take your coffee, Dean?'

Did … did I hear him right? Is he practicing for some chick? Or … I found myself laughing, nervously. No, he's definitely checking out what to do about this chick. But he shouldn't ask that sort of thing until he knows for sure he has an in. Maybe I didn't make that clear. I patted his shoulder in a total bro kind of way, and tried to calm him down. Boy's going to chase the tail away like this.

'Don't worry about it, Cas. And you don't have to ask me, you don't even know how to make coffee, right? You don't have to learn how I have it.'

Just this chick, Cas that's all you have to worry about. He looked at my hand, like it had more answers, like somehow my hand on his arm meant we could communicate in some other way, or even, I don't know, he'd get some kind of magic strength from me. And he shifted in his seat slightly, looking really uncomfortable. It can't be me touching him, we hug all the time. So what's got him acting so … oh. Maybe the 'or' was right. Shit, is Cas hitting on me? My mouth started moving before my head caught up.

'Well, gee Cas … I mean … you know … I haven't really - because it's not … is that what you … you know?'

He shook his head, like he had neck ache or something. Like he's realising I don't like him back and he can't take it. Crap, am I about to lose Cas? Because you know, he's my best friend, I don't want to lose him. I let go of him while I tried to think about how the hell I get out of this conversation without him turning around and leaving and never coming back. I can't have him leave. Maybe the best way to deal with this, is to act like him. I'll be totally literal, and take him at face value.

'Black. Strong. Sugar depends on how many nights I've already gone without sleep.'

He did that thing where his eyes narrowed for a second. So it's okay for him to give it out and not me?

'Dean, I-'

'I know what you meant, Cas. So, what are you asking for here?' I cut him off, and dropped the bullshit. Because maybe I'm still reading him wrong and he needs to grow some balls and admit to whoever this chick is. He stared at me for a moment, like … well, like he's seen a ghost. He's gone the angel equivalent of pale. And then he spoke, boldly and confidently, like he was standing up to me. Did I go into one of those moods again?

'I would like to experience a date. Or a series of dates.'

'So you want me to hook you up with someone?' Is that his problem? He's feeling self-conscious or something? He thinks I could talk him up? Hell yeah, I can talk my boy up!

'No, I don't wish for a "hook up" Dean. I would like to experience a series of dates with someone who you described. Someone I have a friendship with, who-'

'Who you can make coffee for?' I get it. Oh, I get it. He looks so eager, like he's done the hard work now and my saying that was basically agreeing. God, what do I do? I'm still trying to work this out. I need to stop this conversation, somehow. But there's only one way I can think of. 'Sure Cas. Make me coffee in the morning. We'll work the rest out later.'

He smiled so big I thought I was going to see some Grace leak out. Crap, am I leading him on? At least I guess, I solved one mystery. I'm the chick he wants to hit on. I just gotta work out what to do about that kind of information. I stood up and stretched, and could feel his eyes on me. Is he … is he fucking me in his head or something right now?

'Night, Cas.' I muttered, flopping on my bed and closing my eyes. I heard him shuffle off into the bathroom and turn the shower on, and I took the chance to get rid of my clothes, and crawl under the covers, even though I knew with Cas saying what he's said, and hinting even more, there was no way I was going to sleep at all.

* * *

You ever do that thing where you know someone real well, and don't think much about it, and then they say something or do something and it's all you can think about? I can't stop thinking about Cas talking about being into me, in his roundabout way. I keep finding myself looking at him, trying to work out … I don't know what. Whether I was reading him wrong? Whether I could feel that way back? How I can get out of this? I honestly don't know.

I tried to picture it. Like, dating Cas. Letting him touch me, trying to kiss him. I felt weird, like I was watching some really questionable porn. But at the same time, I don't know-

'DEAN! LOOK OUT!'

I slammed on the brakes and twisted the wheel hard, narrowly avoiding whacking the Impala into the back of a ten-tonne truck. Shit. Shitshitshit.

'Maybe I should drive?' Sam put out there. Normally I'd tell him to go screw himself, but I think he's right. It was my fault, Cas is in the back, staring at the back of my head. And I was looking at him, in the rearview. And I forgot that my Baby was at stake here.

'Yeah, sure. Sorry.'

Sam gave me a judgemental look.

'Maybe you need to sleep it off, man?'

Maybe I need to beat one out. I shrugged, and climbed over as Sam ran around the car. And when I looked in the side mirror, I caught Cas' eye. He was staring at me, again. But this time, I couldn't look away. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, and I really hoped he couldn't tell what I was thinking. Which was nowhere near wondering if Cas' mouth was soft like a girl's or if angels knew how to kiss. Well, okay, Anna did … never mind.

* * *

We got to a new town, and booked into another crappy motel, and I kinda threw myself into researching the case Sammy had found. Even after Sam turned in for his ten o'clock bedtime I was still forcing myself to focus on the information in front of me. But Castiel sat in the chair beside mine again, and I got distracted. Again. There was so much tension coming from the guy, I ended up opening with a dumb joke.

'So, did you get me coffee?'

I looked up, and saw him frowning, like he was about to get real upset. Oh, dammit Cas, take a joke!

'Forgive me, Dean. I could find some, if it's important to you.'

'No, it's good.'

'I know you like a strong black coffee, sugar content increasing as your sleep deprivation builds.'

I had to smile when he said that. He was actually paying attention, huh? Enough to rephrase what I said into Cas speak. And talking of sleep, I had to check Sam definitely was. Joking about coffee is one thing, but moving on to what that means? I don't want Sam listening in.

'So, say we're on a date, what would we be doing?'

Cas shrugged back, like he didn't understand the question. I realised that it was the first time either of us had said out loud about it being us on a date. Romantically. No wonder he's so awkward.

'We would be on a date.'

'Yeah, Cas, I got that. What would you want to do?'

'Date you.'

Well, at least he finally grew the balls to say it, though I still don't know what he means by that. I don't think he does. Which one of his examples applied to him? Like, he's not expecting me to marry him, just to get laid, is he? And picturing kissing him is one thing, and that's weird enough. But sex? Sex with Cas? I can't go there right now. Besides, I get the feeling that something else is making him uncomfortable. I don't think he's studied humans dating patterns as much as he thinks he has. Or maybe he missed the point?

'Do you not know what people do on dates?' Cas shook his head. 'Well, it depends on who's on the date, but most people like to go to a fancy restaurant, dressed up real nice, and they talk while they eat, share a bottle of wine, get to know each other, that kind of thing.'

'We already know each other,' he pointed out, staring at my chest. Is he checking me out? Or is he hinting that he wants the physical stuff and that whole crap last night was a way of getting me to agree to … yeah I still can't go there, not fully.

'Well, some people go to movies and spend the entire time making out with each other, ignoring the entire reason they're there. That's always fun,' I laughed, remembering the time I snuck into a movie when I was fifteen with a girl. It was an R movie, and we were staying at Bobby's at the time and he freaked out when I got back at two in the morning but it was worth it for all the fooling around we did.

'Would you take me to the movies one time, maybe?'

'One time? How many dates are you expecting, Cas?'

'How many are you willing to give me?'

I have no idea. I haven't thought this far ahead. And the way he asked that, the eagerness in his voice alone … he's expecting something long-term, isn't he? He's staring at me again, at my face this time. He's expecting more than I can give. I need to be honest with the guy, because this is getting way out of my hands.

'One date, Cas. Let's take it one date at a time.'

He looked like I'd hit him then, he turned away and if angels could cry, I'm sure he would've. I didn't mean … I meant … can't he just let me come around to this idea in my own time? I'm not saying one date only, I'm saying one date, definitely. If we work, then of course there'd be more. But if not then at least we can still be best friends, you know? But he's acting like I shut him down. At some point on our date, I'm going to have to clue him in to the idea that self-confidence is sexy as hell.


	2. Date 1: Paintball

**Sorry this has taken me so long! Had a lot on, and I have to think around what's already down in Fifty First Dates and work around that for what I know Dean's going through. Plus I've had the con, friend issues, work issues … there's been a lot. Hopefully, this is worthwhile?**

* * *

'Hey, I gotta take this,' Sam grunted at me as we left a diner, waving his phone in my face. I saw the screen lit up, and Garth's name on it.

'Sure. I'll start the car,' I shrugged, and climbed in as he walked away. And as I shut the car door, I saw Cas flash in. He's been a little absent lately, except at night when he just wants to talk about dating. Like, can we stop talking about it and get on with it already? What's he even waiting for?

'Hey, Cas. How's it going?'

'Paintball.' He stated, looking me in the eye through the rear view. Right, he's paintball.

'What?'

'Our date. We should participate in paintball.' He declared. Does he even know what he's saying? I was just hoping we could drive somewhere, sink a few beers, chill out, just spend time together. It'd be easier.

'I don't know Cas, it's meant to be a team effort. It's not really a date thing.'

'Oh. I thought you'd be interested. You could shoot things and no one would die.'

I laughed, because, well, its pretty awesome that he's thought it through that much. Is that why he's been so distant and taken so freaking long?

'Okay, fine, Cas, we'll paintball. Just you and me.'

He smiled in that dopey way he does, just as Sam climbed in the car. He looked over at me, as I was looking at Cas in the rearview. I made myself turn to him as he started speaking.

'Hey, what're you guys talking about?' He smiled, and already I felt stuck. I mean, Cas was suggesting it for right now, wasn't he?

'Cas wants to try paintball. I figure, we're done with the djinn, why not?'

'Oh, cool, I'll book us in somewhere. Great idea, Cas!' Sam turned around and grinned at Cas. Great, Cas will probably tell him it's a date and then that's going to get messy. Sam would start that whole anal ranting thing at me, and I'd have to pretend I care. So I bluffed.

'Uh, I think Cas booked something already, right, Cas? And there were only two slots going.'

'What?' Sam whined. 'Who did you go with, Cas? I'll call and try and get a third.'

'Sammy, suck it up, maybe next time.' I looked up at the mirror and winked at Cas. He stared back in that way that makes me think he's picturing me naked.

'Well, why do you automatically get the second ticket?'

'Because Cas likes me more. Don't worry Sam, we'll drop you at the hotel, you can watch porn or whatever, and I'll show our good angel buddy how to pulverise nerds with paint pellets.'

Sam put his bitchface on, but I knew he wasn't going to argue any more. So I drove back to the motel and waited for him to climb out.

'Bye, then.' I said when he didn't immediately take the hint.

'Thanks Dean, really, way to make me feel unwanted.'

I shrugged. What did he expect from me right then?

'You are unwanted right now. We'll see you later, okay?' I looked up again. 'Cas? You coming up front?'

Sam climbed out and slammed Baby's door way too hard. I'll chew him out for that later. But Cas zapped into the seat beside me, not as close as I thought he would. I pulled away from the hotel, waiting for him to start talking. He seemed happy to just be there, and it started to hit me then. We're on a freaking date. So … am I the guy in this situation? I don't know how this kind of thing works. I guess I'll just treat it like Cas and me hanging out and see what happens, right?

'So, where's this paintballing gig?'

'Not too far. I didn't realise you meant right now, Dean.' Cas really doesn't need to plan this stuff any more. He's putting a hell of a lot of pressure on me right now.

'Why not? Case is over, you had an idea for our date. What's to wait for?'

'Nothing, I just didn't realise that it would be a case of me sharing an idea and we would instantly do it.'

'We've been talking about this long enough Cas. It's about damn time, huh?'

Cas went quiet on me, just letting me drive around and work out what the hell we were doing. Maybe I should suggest we do this thing, but don't call it our date, not now. Not because I don't wanna, but because I think Cas still has a lot to learn about the whole thing. Maybe he needs to just calm down and let me take charge? I hate not being in charge.

I managed to work out how to get off at the right exit, and head down the dirt path towards the paintball area. He still didn't say anything, and when I cut the engine and looked at him, he was staring back at me. Because that's not unnerving.

'Here we go. Are you ready?'

'No, but I know you'll enjoy it.'

I smiled at him, and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked at it rather than look me in the eye. I kinda hate that he's talked himself into calling this a date when he's way out of his comfort zone, it means it's going to suck and then he'll ride my ass if I say we should leave it, give up. But it's easier to think all this than to say it.

'You will too, Cas. Come on, we'd better get in there before all the good pellets are taken.'

'I may need you to explain the rules. I only said because the pictures-'

'It'll be fine, Cas. Come on.'

I climbed out, and turned around to see him angel mojo out of the car. Okay, he can't do that during the game.

'Maybe you shouldn't use your angel powers for the game. Might be an unfair advantage.'

'You have the advantage of knowing how to shoot.'

He has a point, but I can't tell if he's being bitchy or not. I nodded over to the hut instead, figuring that was where we needed to check in.

'We need to go in there, right?'

Cas nodded, and followed me in. There was a bored-looking guy behind the desk, who scribbled our names down once I'd paid, not even looking a little bit surprised or confused by Cas' name. We had to listen to some guy talk about handling guns and wearing their stuff and the rules of the games, and I could feel Cas next to me, not paying attention, staring at me. I kinda knew what the guy was gonna say, but I went with it anyway, checking out the other guys in the room, and the girls, trying to work out who would be better to have in our group. Strategising.

As soon as the guy gave the word, I grabbed the guys I thought were going to be best - and Cas, of course - and started getting a feel for what they could do, how we could strategise. No one seemed to give a crap that I took charge. Especially Cas, who I could almost guarantee had completely spaced out. Yeah, this is so not a date. The other guys were looking at him like he was going to ruin the whole damn thing for us, but I think they trusted me okay when I said we'd give Cas the flag and work around him. They split up to get in position and I pulled Cas towards a nearby building that was small enough to be an outhouse. Stank like it too.

'You're keeping hold of the flag, okay? I'm covering you, the guys are the offence. You'll need to watch for me too, okay? In case someone sneaks up on me. Remember what they said about how to use the gun?'

Cas nodded, like he was hearing it all for the first time. Goddamn angels, man! He looked at the gun unsurely, but he's shot a gun before, I know he has. And then he looked back up at me with that look in his eyes again. And I decided to have a little fun with him, see how bad I could tease him. So I stepped up real close, put my head next to his … and heard his breath start to hitch, could feel him shaking under the hand I held his arm with. He's got it bad, don't he?

'Don't think I don't realise you're undressing me with your eyes. Focus, okay Cas?'

'Well, we are on a date.'

Right then was not the time to tell him I wasn't counting it. His brain was in his underpants.

'We are. I haven't forgotten. Just take it easy, okay Cas?'

I gave him a quick hug and moved into my position. The other guys had looked a little pissed off that I wanted to be the defence, not the offence, but I didn't trust anyone else near Cas. But even from where I stood, face pressed against the door as I looked through the knot in the wood grain, I could feel his eyes raking all over my body. I couldn't see anyone nearby - and I would know if anyone was, I'm a fucking amazing hunter - so I mocked him a little more. Just to hear him over-react.

'Don't think I can't tell you're picturing us having sex, Cas.'

'I wasn't,' I could hear him lying. I lifted my gun up, at the ready, like this conversation wasn't a huge deal.

'Sure you weren't. You keep trying to have eye sex with me.'

'Dean-'

'If I wasn't okay with it, Cas, I wouldn't be here right now. But there's time for that. Right now, we should focus. You got the flag?'

'Yes.'

I will tell him this doesn't count as a date. Soon. I will. But for now, it's game on.

* * *

We nailed the games. The whole afternoon kinda flew by, and it was over before I really knew it. Cas had been right, it was fun to work on my instincts and my shot without carrying the guilt that I killed someone. And all the guys were laughing about how many more bruises they had than each other, so no guilt there either. A couple of the guys wanted to swap numbers, maybe play paintball again, meet up for a beer. I gave them a fake number. I mean, it was cool and all, but we won't hang around here for long. They finally cleared off, and I walked over to where Cas was leaning against the Impala, staring at me like I was cheating on him. If this was even a date, that wouldn't be okay!

'Wanna go grab a beer? Celebrate all the wins?' I asked as I got nearer, stopping just out of his reach. His bitchface needs to reset.

'I- yes, that sounds good.' He's such a bad liar.

'You okay there, Cas?'

He seemed to drift off again, like he had all afternoon. Like he was picturing us fucking on the ground. He shook his head and faked a smile.

'I'm fine Dean. You enjoy beer, so we should go and get a beer.'

He's not fooling me. Is he jealous?

'Okay, drop the bullshit, Cas. You don't want to grab a beer, clearly. What do you want to do? This is your date, too.'

Fuck, I wasn't going to refer to this as a date. Maybe that's it, he thinks he's lost his shot with me. He started talking before I could backpedal.

'I want to make you happy, Dean.'

I sighed. What kind of non-answer was that?

'Get in the car, Cas.'

He zapped in, taking advantage of the fact it was just us around, and I took a second to think what to do. Maybe if I just put something out there, and then told him I didn't think this was a date, but thanks for hanging out with me, that'd work, right? Well, probably not, but I'll try it.

I climbed in the car, and reached across to grab his neck, and kissed him, glad it was just the two of us in the lot. It was … well, it was a kiss. Like I remember my mom giving my dad when he went to work at the garage. Not like I just met a girl in a bar and she's a little drunk and I'm a little needy. I guess you'd call it 'nice'. I pulled away after a few seconds, and he kept his eyes closed, his mouth pinched together like he was expecting me to kiss him again. Okay, moment of truth.

'Cas?'

'I love you, Dean.'

I wasn't expecting that. Does he even know what he just said? I mean, this isn't even a freaking date! I stared at the steering wheel, rather than look at him. I hope he takes it back. He has to take it back. The silence is stretching out between us though, and I know I have to take charge. I just … how do I handle this?

'We should go back.' I said eventually. He didn't say anything, and the tension in the car was crazy. And he refused to the entire drive home. He can be such a child.

But on the drive, I got thinking, and maybe I just need to book us a separate room from Sam tonight, sit him down, explain how things are for me, let him know that we just need to go slow, take it easy, because if he keeps pushing like this … it's not going to work. I need to breathe. I waited until I parked in front of our motel to talk to him. He looked like I was going to beat the shit out of him. Not possible, he's a freaking angel.

'So, paintball was fun. Thanks, Cas.'

'It's okay,' He sounds like I'm breaking up with him.

'It was a good date. Beat some I've been on.' Did that come out of my mouth? I didn't … yeah, I need to let him know how I actually feel about this. But not in the Impala, it feels too exposed.

'That's good. That's what I wanted.'

Yeah, he definitely thinks I'm mad at him, or about to call this off. And it's not like that. Not for me.

'Cas?'

'Yes?'

'Are you-'

'We should go and see Sam.' He interrupted me before I could even begin suggesting our own room, and flashed out of the car. I stared at the seat he'd just been occupying, like he was just going to reappear and actually listen to me. Is he avoiding me? Did I fuck up in some way? Was it because I actually played paintball, or did he expect me to declare myself in love with him right back?

Cas can be such a high-maintenance woman sometimes.

I could feel myself getting angry, and punched the steering wheel a couple of times. How can he treat me like that? So much for being in fucking love with me! So much for wanting these damn dates! I'm really putting myself out there for him, because I am so not into dudes, and I get this shit back?

I climbed out the car and walked around the motel, stopping by the mulch-ridden pool, and kicking the crap out of the rusting diving board there. I didn't feel any better though, I felt worse. And God knows what he's saying to Sam without me there. I'm going to have to go back and make sure he doesn't tell Sam about today, not beyond the paintball. He owes me that much, at least.


	3. Date 1: Pancakes

**Ugh, this chapter has taken me forever. The vibe might be off. I'm sorry! At least the good news is I only have one more of these to catch up on before I can push the story forward for both fics, right?**

* * *

I woke up feeling like shit. Like I spent all yesterday in a crappy mood and I didn't find some way to relax afterwards so now I feel extra crappy. You know the feeling? I thought I heard something anyway, and sat up, expecting to see some crappy situation when I finally opened my eyes.

'Mmm, what time is it?' I tried to ask Sam, but when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there. It just Cas in the corner of the room, watching me like I was going to start yelling. Maybe I'd been yelling in my sleep and that scared him. Maybe that was what the fuck woke me up. 'Great.'

'Sam's gone jogging,' Cas told me, like he wanted a cookie and a gold star. I tried to clear my throat of morning fuzz.

'Great. Well, while he's gone, I'm going to grab a shower. Will you be okay?'

'I'll be fine, Dean,' Cas sounded like he was humouring me. I'm not the one all hung up over his butt. But I went into the tiny bathroom anyway, feeling like he was watching me walk. Which was kinda creepy when I just slept in my underpants last night. I turned around at the doorway and made the effort to swallow down this shitty feeling. I mean, it's Cas, and we're meant to be best friends.

'Okay. We can talk about that date once I'm done, if Sam's still out, right?'

Cas beamed back, like I said he could have his cookie and gold star.

'Sounds good, Dean, I can't wait.'

I nodded, and shut the door behind me, feeling slightly out of it as I started running the shower. I still feel pissed. Why do I still feel pissed? I stepped out my underpants anyway, climbing under the flow and letting the lukewarm water slap me with a surprisingly decent force. It felt like it worked through the knots in my back and actually, it de-stressed me a little. I totally get why girls dig this sort of crap, staying under the flow for way too long. I even started singing, hoping Cas couldn't hear me belting it out. He'd probably make some comment that was meant to be all innocent and would actually just kind of annoy me. It was a pretty good shower. Good enough that I stopped feeling as pissy as I did when I woke up.

I stepped out the bathroom after like, half an hour, only realising just before I did that I didn't bring any clothes in with me. I knew what was going to happen before I pulled that door open. Cas was going to stare at me like my towel didn't even exist.

And I was right, his eyes locked on me and followed me around the room, I could almost feel his imagination, the way he was imagining touching my legs, pulling off the towel … yeah, I felt a little uncomfortable. And a little … curious? I mean, maybe it'll be a good thing, when we do go out, if that ever actually happens. But I can still tease him.

'Hey, Cas? Eyes up here.'

I went to get my clothes, knowing Cas was probably looking guilty but still staring at my ass, so I dropped my towel and gave him a show as I put them on, still facing the furniture. And then I turned around and he was staring at my phone. Did someone call? I walked over, at sat next to him, drying my hair.

'Sam's probably going to be forever on his jog, wanna go get breakfast? I mean, I know you don't eat, but we could grab Sam some granola after I eat something decent.'

'Sounds good. Sam won't be worried?'

'Nah, I'll text him,' I reached across and grabbed my phone, hearing the way he stopped breathing for a second. Yeah, Cas has it bad. I texted Sam quickly, telling him Cas and me needed to sort something out, we might be gone a while, and then I put the phone away before Cas could see, and start asking way too many questions about it. 'Give me a minute, and then we'll go.'

I pulled the rest of my clothes on, and my shoes, reaching across Cas for my stuff on the table, hearing him sucking his breath in again. Not that I enjoy messing with him, or anything.

'Okay, I'm good,' I told him before he could actually have a heart attack. He followed me out the room and down to the car, still not speaking. What's up with him, anyhow? I thought he wanted all this time together, just the two of us, him perving on me all the time. 'So, how about we go for a drive first? Grab some breakfast in a while, and just drive for the hell of driving after that?'

'Is this our date?' He finally blurted, and I couldn't help laughing at him. I acted like it wasn't on my mind all day already.

'Right, we were meant to talk about that! Sure, if you want, Cas. Just text Sam and tell him to fend for himself.' I passed him my phone to message Sam, and he still didn't say anything as he played around on it. He was taking forever, I swear. 'You text him yet?'

'Yes.'

'What're you doing now? Reading my texts?'

'No, I wouldn't.'

'Cas, I was teasing. So, you wanna make a day of it?'

'That sounds good.'

We went quiet again. God, is it always going to be this awkward? I feel like I'm the one doing all the damn talking.

'I'm feeling pancakes, is that cool?'

'You're the one eating, Dean.'

'Did you ever try pancakes as a human? Because if you didn't, you're missing out.'

'I'll take your word for it, Dean. Watching you enjoy them will be enjoyment enough for me.'

'Man, you don't even know. At least you're going to be a cheap date.' I teased him.

'Is that supposed to be a good thing?'

I laughed again, because Cas never seems to know when he's being funny.

'Oh, Cas,' I shook my head and started looking for somewhere we could grab breakfast. And he went quiet on me again. Why do I have to keep drawing him out? 'You still with me, buddy?'

Castiel took a moment to answer me.

'Sorry Dean.'

'Don't be sorry, we're here. Are you alright, man? You don't seem like you, much.'

'I'm just … glad, that you agreed to a date.'

I shrugged, like it was no big deal. And really, it's not a big deal. It's breakfast.

'It's pancakes and a mini road trip, Cas, it's not a ring on my finger. Come on.'

I got out the car and made it to the sidewalk, looking back at seeing Cas still sitting in the car, staring at me. I nodded towards the restaurant, hinting that he should hurry up, and he climbed out of the car like a human, walking slowly towards me. Like he's dwelling on something that he's just not sharing with me. It's getting a little irritating.

'Seriously, man, what's up?'

Cas stared hard at me, and I think I started to get it. He was focused on my mouth, like he was imagining kissing me, or something more. And I got this picture in my head, of him pushing me up against the door to this place, giving me that hard look before kissing me, running his hands all over me … it was kinda hot. But it was _Cas,_ and I was still getting hard picturing it. I need to get inside, now.

'I need to eat, Cas, okay? And after, we'll go somewhere and … talk.'

My voice cracked on the last word, and his eyes bugged slowly. Was he picturing it too, pinning me against the wall and forcing himself on me? I walked into the diner before I could find out, and he followed me onto the counter stalls, drifting back into his dreamworld as I ordered my pancakes and we both got served coffee. Hie pulled his cup towards him almost automatically, and I tried to come up with something to talk about that could take the edge off some of this tension. He was still holding my cell phone, so I locked on that.

'Has Sam got back yet?' I cut though the atmosphere. Cas passed me my phone wordlessly, like he wasn't allowed to see Sam's reply. Which basically told me to screw myself, and he was going to see some movie since I was going to be useless all day. I texted back telling him to get over himself, glad for the slight break from Cas' intensity. Still, I felt I had to spell it out for the guy, what I was up to. 'Yeah, he has.'

My pancakes came, and I cut them up with my fork, stuffing some in my mouth and groaning loudly. Man, how did we luck into such good pancakes? I could feel Cas watching me out the corner of my eye.

'This is so good man, you sure you don't want?' I asked around my mouthful. Cas gave me what I thought was a smile. Dude, if he's imagining being this pancake right now …

'It's fine, Dean. You, um, you have a little syrup,' Cas pointed to my mouth, and I swiped the mirror of where he was pointing. He smirked at me, and leaned closer, stroking the corner of my mouth slowly, staring at me. And it was kinda hot. He froze on some cue that I missed, and I could feel that tension again. And this time, I acted on it, leaning over and sucking the syrup off his finger, closing my eyes briefly, taking away anything even slightly innocent about the whole thing. And then I let go, going back to my pancakes, trying to think what to do now. I mean, obviously something's going to happen now, and I think I'm okay with it. It won't be so different to making out with a girl, would it? I shovelled my food in and then threw some bills down on the table, grabbing his shoulder. He looked at my hand again.

'Come on, let's go find somewhere.'

I left the cafe, knowing he'd follow me into the car, and drove off the second his door was closed. I think we need somewhere out of the way, where no one else can come across us. But nowhere it would seem obvious to come across any of the paranormal crap we usually have to deal with. I'm looking for a lack of signs, I guess.

'Can I ask you something?' I asked him after a while, because once again Cas wasn't speaking. It's a definite change from when Sam won't shut up.

'Of course Dean, you can ask me anything.' I could hear the excitement in his voice.

'And you'll be completely honest?'

'Why would I lie to you?'

I looked at him quickly, wondering if he was kidding. He's lied to me before.

'How long have you wanted to do this? Like, how long've you been into me?'

I haven't put that out there yet, and I don't know if he's going to get what I meant. I can never tell if he seriously doesn't understand us or if he does it on purpose because he likes watching me and Sam re-explain everything. Cas took his sweet ass time answering.

'I'm not sure, Dean,' he was speaking slowly, like he wasn't sure he was answering right. 'We've always had such a significant bond, but when it became something more? Maybe it was when you refused Michael, and stood up to Zachariah, when it was clear you would stand up for everything you believed it. Especially as I knew, by then, that you would stand up for me.'

'That's a pretty long time to have feelings that you don't act on.' I pointed out. But holy fuck, really? He's been perving on me for that long?

'I suppose it is, for a human.'

'So, I guess us dating, that doesn't make us gay, does it? If anything, it's beastiality.' I quipped, playing on the whole angel-not-a-human thing. It does worry me, a little, but he didn't seem to get it.

'I choose not to think of it that way, Dean.'

'How are you thinking about it?'

'That you have a beautiful soul, and I'm fortunate to have met you.'

I parked up, having found somewhere that worked, and looked at him. He stared back at me, a little sadly, like I was going to chew him out. I should, I mean, what is that crap? I'm a screw up and he knows it. But I'm not going to yell at him, because I do wanna give this a try.

'Cas,' I said eventually. His forehead puckered slightly, like he wasn't sure what else I was going to say, but there wasn't anything else I could think of. And his expression was just like before we went in the diner. So I went in for the kill, straddling him and pushing him down on the seat so he was laying down and forcing my mouth onto his, licking into his mouth as he just laid there and took it. I might've taken him by surprise too much, but I've started now. And it's really not so different to kissing women, just a little hairier. I worked my hands down his body, feeling him shaking underneath me.

Cas finally started kissing back, and I hooked my hands under his knees, making him lay right across the front seat, still making out with him. He's a quick learner, I'll give him that. And it felt like how I pictured it in that moment, outside the cafe. This might be the best idea Cas has ever had.

'Oh, Cas,' I heard myself mumble, and he laughed a little into my mouth. I worked my way down his neck, his body still shaking beneath mine, even as it responded. I can't tell if it's voluntary or not, but it feels pretty good. I sat up for a moment to pull my top off, looking down for a second at the guy who was my best friend. His mouth looked swollen, almost bruised from the way I'd been kissing him, his eyes were half-closed in a blissed-out state. He looks half-undone already. I'm going to have to train him to hold it in, at least a little. I leaned back down, working on his shirt buttons as I kissed his neck again, feeling him thrust against me as my stomach touched his. 'All in good time.'

Cas didn't try and calm down, the way I thought he would, instead I felt his fingers tickling along my belt, working to undo my pants. He's just diving in now, isn't he?

'Are you sure, Cas?' I whispered, pushing myself up slightly, looking down at him once again, at the way his hair was sticking up and the lust that was in his eyes. He seems pretty sure, just going by eye contact, which he stopped pretty quickly so he could check me out. I felt like I was totally naked when he did that. 'I mean, we have all the time in the world-'

'You'd want a second date?' He asked quickly. No Cas, I'm making out with you to fuck with you. Angels, man.

'How about we don't call this a date? We call this some fun after breakfast.'

His answer was to stroke down my happy trail. At least he knows what I mean by fun, I guess.

'Are you sure?' He asked like I was the one hesitating over making out. I bent down and kissed him quickly, propping myself over him again afterwards so I could keep the eye contact. I kinda like it.

'I'm sure, Cas. You don't agree to date your best friend without understanding it's more for the long term.'

'But you said-'

'Cas, relax, okay?' I started kissing his neck again, hoping it would relax him. 'Just relax, baby. All in good time.'


	4. Date 1 continued: The Bar

**And I'm all caught up! I'll start posting the two together from now on, however long that takes!**

* * *

Making out with Cas was better than I thought it would be. I lost track of time, which I don't think I've done since I was a teenager. I drew the line at full sex, at least for now. The car still felt exposed. But eventually we stopped kissing and just laid next to each other, Cas snuggled in my arms. He kept stroking my bicep, watching his finger's progression across my skin, and I was watching him, holding his other hand and occasionally kissing his bare shoulder. It felt like after sex with someone you care about I guess. It felt good, anyway, and I was kinda glad Cas suggested it. I wish we'd tried getting together sooner, but hey, we were together now, and I felt more at peace then I have in a long time.

'So, since this was just fooling around in the car,' I finally spoke up, after kissing his shoulder again. 'Did you just wanna make the whole day a date? We've got all the time in the world. Sammy can live without us for the day.'

I want the whole day to be a date. And hey, maybe we'll book our own room at the motel later, come up with some excuse for Sam about why we're bailing.

'Okay,' Cas didn't sound as confident as I felt. I don't know why, he's the one who asked me out.

'You got anything in mind for what we could do?' I asked him, as he shifted even further into my chest. If he says stay here like this, I could handle it.

'Um,' Cas' eyes bugged out, and I felt bad for putting the pressure on him. Besides, I like being the one in control, it's what I know.

'It's cool. We can drive around, look for something. It's not like we have a curfew, right?'

Cas leaned away slightly to frown up at me, like he suddenly didn't understand what I could mean.

'Come on, angel boy,' I kissed his nose before untangling myself from him, finding my shirt hanging over the steering wheel and putting it back on, scooting along the leather and waiting for Cas to pull himself together before I pulled away, trying to remember the route back to town. Or maybe the next town over, to avoid Sam.

'So, fancy cattle wrangling?' I joked.

'What's that?' Cas sounded baffled. I'm going to have to teach him when I don't mean shit. I spotted a hay wagon, a real life, actual fucking hay wagon, parked up in a field.

'God knows. Okay, a hay ride?'

'Isn't hay immobile?'

I started laughing. He has no idea when he's being funny, does he?

'Oh, man, Cas! Okay, um, wanna catch a game?'

He didn't even answer that, so I guess I totally lost him way back at cattle wrangling.

'A ball game, Cas. Football, baseball, whatever. We'll get some rickety old seats and eat hotdogs covered in ketchup and mustard. It'll be fun.'

Cas stayed quiet, and I hoped it was because he was thinking it over instead of still being confused. I was getting a strange vibe from him. I risked a look away from the road, to see him pursing his lips and staring straight ahead. He doesn't like the idea. Why not? I thought he'd eat it up, seeing humans being passionate about a bunch of guys following arbitrary rules. That's totally Cas' kind of thing.

'What about a bar?' he finally spoke up. I looked at him again, but he was still staring ahead. Is he just trying to make me comfortable?

'Sure, we can go to a bar.'

'Not one of the ones you normally go to, with the black walls and sticky floors and three types of drink.'

Yeah, Cas is going to drink. I know what he means though, he wants something upmarket, designer. Nothing like a biker bar or a strip club. I get it.

'Okay princess. We'll find a good one. I should probably get changed first though, they don't normally let people into those places wearing jeans.'

The atmosphere was still weird between us. Okay, I agreed to go to his bar, what's the issue? Is he just pissed we're not making out any more? I mean, it was fun, and we're going to do it again, but we can't do it all the time. I tried to rephrase it for him.

'We should go shopping. You could probably do with a better outfit. You look like you're going to check their receipts.'

There was another silent pause. I meant to confuse him that time.

'As you wish,' he finally said. Well, okay then. I guess we're going shopping.

* * *

So, shopping with Cas happened. He tried to cheat when I said he had to pick something out for me, but it ballsed up when the store assistant went overboard. I could see his eyes glazing over as she talked. If he'd been paying attention, he would've heard her suggest a couple bars we could go to. I couldn't help laughing at him as he walked away from her, totally bewildered. I guess it kinda got to him, because he went a little quiet on me, but he got over it when we got in the changing room, because he started checking me out again, looking at me like he would screw me right there and then. I had to say something, because even though it was kind of hot, and I liked the idea of it, it just wouldn't work. Not in the middle of a civilian mall. He looked like I'd hit him or something, but I wasn't trashing the idea of us, just the idea of us right then in the changing room.

He kept that look going as we paid up, and walked back through the mall to the car. I am not dating a wounded puppy. He can't pull this shit every time something doesn't go the way that he wanted. I need to say something. I drove towards the bar that the store clerk had recommended, and after about three long, wistful sighs, I pulled over and glared at him.

'Okay. Okay,' I tried to bite my tongue so I didn't completely screw at him. I still care about the guy. 'Okay, Cas, I know I said I'd agree to this date, and today's been … well, it's been way more fun than I thought it was going to be so far. But can we have some ground rules for the bar? Like, no touching, no kissing, no nothing in public. Right?'

'Are you ashamed of me, Dean?' Cas sounded pitiful, like I'd been kicking him or something, and looked away from me. Is that what he thinks is going on? I just want this between us.

'What? No. No Cas. I just don't want any trouble, okay? And it'd be great if we could just enjoy a date together, but I don't wanna have to deal with idiots who can't … who don't … just trust me on this.'

'This isn't about the sales assistant, is it?'

'Cas,' I have no idea what he means by that. Did he think I was flirting with her? I'm not that big a jerk. I put my hand on his face, stroking his cheek, until he looked at me and I knew he was going to listen. 'She was annoying as hell. But it's nothing to do with her. It is about the eye sex in the changing room. It was barely okay there.'

Cas just stared at me, and I got that feeling again, like mentally he was pressing me up against the window and re-enacting what happened between us this morning. I looked right back, kind of enjoying the experience.

'This is what I mean by eye sex,' I told him, hearing my voice crack under the sexual tension between us.

'You're not looking away,' Cas told me. I tried not to smile, because I knew I wasn't. I was doing the eye sex stuff right back, I hoped.

'I didn't say I wanted to,' I let him know, then looked around, making sure we didn't have an audience. We didn't, so I turned back and kissed him, hoping he'd get what I was actually thinking from the way we were pressed together. I think he wanted to dive back into being like how we were earlier, which would've been fun, but I thought he was in it for the dating, not just my body? 'Come on, the shop girl at least knew where the kind of bar you'd like would be.'

I pulled away again, driving in the rough direction she'd waved us in. The store clerk sucked at directions. But then, she was too busy pushing her boobs out in Castiel's direction. Her pathetic attempts at flirting with him and his total ignorance of it was funny too, though I didn't want to put it out there; even when he thought I was flirting with her. He can be so dense, sometimes.

I finally pulled up outside the building, which had a tiny sign because they're trying to be stuck up douchenozzles, and Castiel started bitching.

'Was she sure that we were aiming for this bar?'

I started laughing as he looked at the outside of the building, completely confused. He's so cute when he's dopey. Wait, shit, did I think of him as cute?

'Oh, Cas, trust me, they spend the money on the inside. Come on.'

I climbed out of Baby, and waited on the sidewalk again for him to come over so we could go in together. It was as tacky as I'd expected inside, but it was what Cas said he wanted, so it was what we were going to stick to.

'How about I grab us some beer and you go grab us a table?'

I walked over to the bar, trying to grab the attention of one of the bartenders, who looked at my shoulder like I had some crud on it. I looked around, and saw Cas, standing way too close. I thought he was finding us somewhere to sit.

'Dude, half the tables are empty.'

'I'm not sure I'm going to like this bar. I don't understand it.'

Are you fucking kidding me? This was his idea! What was he expecting? I finally caught the attention of the girl at the bar, holding up two fingers so she would know we wanted two beers. Her eyes swept over Cas before she nodded, and reached for two bottles. And I tried to make my point.

'Look man, I'm trying something very new for you, and I'm pleasantly surprised by it. So deal, we're staying here now. Especially now our beers are in.'

The bar girl gave us the drinks, and I gave her the money, before trying to pass Cas his beer. He took it with a weird expression on his face as the bar girl gave me the change, and dragged Cas to one of the tables. One of the smaller ones, where he can't hide from me. He seemed okay to sit up close to me, sinking beers. He pressed his leg against mine as I leaned forward, trying to keep our conversation at least a little bit private.

'So, wanna talk about anything in particular? Or just coffee?'

I was hoping he'd get the reference. I know he struggles with that kind of thing.

'Tell me things from your childhood.'

'Geez Cas, didn't you see it all?' I teased him. I don't wanna talk about my childhood.

'I didn't know to look for you then. I wish I had.'

'Mmm, way to make it creepy,' I joked, sucking down some more beer. I wish he had seen some of it, just to make that talk easier. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, staring at me as I drank my beer, his mouth slightly open and his eyes tracking my every move. I have no idea what's going on in his head, but I get the feeling if I looked at him, I'd get more eye sex. And I'd probably just go with it, to be honest.

Two girls came giggling over, and I took the break happily. I need to stop picturing Cas pushing me up against walls and car doors or whatever, as hot as it is. This is only the first date, after all.

'Hello,' I nodded at them, playing with the label on my beer. They look kinda slutty, which I admit, was my type. Before Cas brought up the idea of him and me, I would've flirted with them, gone back home with one of them, snuck out while they slept. And it would've been fine, and I would've made Cas go with the other one, but now I know that he wants me, well, nothing's going to happen.

'Hi, so, me and my friend have a bet?'

The girl who said that giggled the whole freaking time. And then she sat herself on my leg like I'd invited her, and I saw Cas flinch out the corner of my eye. The other girl hasn't touched him, so I guess he's just reacting to this girl pawing at me. I wouldn't give the other girl long to start dry-humping him. The skank on my leg carried on talking.

'That you and your friend would buy us a drink?'

I looked at Cas, trying to ask him through eye contact if he could believe these girls. I mean, for real, they're just going to dive in and demand we buy them drinks? They're not even going to try to earn them? Cas glared back at me as the other girl stood beside him, looking over him like he was a piece of meat. I'd say jealousy doesn't suit him, but he kinda smoulders when he glares and it's pretty damn sexy.

'Why would we do that?' I asked as I looked back at the girl on my leg. She curled her hands around my neck, leaning in, like that was all it would take for me to bone her.

'Because you're good guys,' she whispered, and leaned over to kiss me. Just before I could think of a way of putting a stop to it, let her know I'm not interested, Cas knocked her friend over and went running. The friend stood up, dusting herself off with one hand, holding her nose with the other, and narrowing her eyes at Cas as he flew out of the door. I stood the girl on my lap up, and untangled her arms from around my neck.

'Oh, come on, the guy throws a bitch fit for no reason and you're just going to leave us?' She complained. I nodded to the bottles on the table.

'Drink those if you're so desperate for a freebie. I'm going to make sure my friend's okay.'

She looked like she wanted to hit me, but I was already moving after Cas. Did he think I was gonna kiss her? Did he think it was going to play out that way? Man, we've had such a good day today, and he wants it to end like this? I spotted him about a block away, about to turn a corner. I ran towards him, calling out.

'Hey! HEY! CAS! Son of a - what the hell was that?' I panted as I finally reached him. He was staring at the sidewalk rather than look at me.

'She was going to kiss you.'

'Oh my God, Cas! She was a skank, trying to get wasted for free. Hey, look at me!' I grabbed his arm, making him stop, making him at least face me, even if he wasn't going to make eye contact. 'I didn't forget that we're on a date. I was trying to find the point to let her down gently, okay?'

Cas still wouldn't look at me. It was like he wasn't there at all. What's he doing, replaying everything in his head and imagining I'd flirted right back, or something? If this is how he's acting on the first date, then I don't see how this is going to carry on.

'Cas, trust me, nothing was going to happen. Nothing. Not after- not after this morning man. But check it, Cas, if you're serious about us being a thing, about you wanting this? You trust me. Because if you don't, we have no chance, whatsoever. So trust me, and be patient, and let me do what I need to because I'm freaking human, okay?'

He finally looked up at me, faking a smile. I could see it was fake. And I couldn't read his eyes properly, to know what he was thinking. And then a pile of crap came out his mouth, like he thought it was what I'd want to hear.

'You're right Dean. I didn't trust that woman, that's all. Did you want to go back in there?'

I shook my head, pretending to play along.

'Nah, we're good. Besides, I think you'd get arrested if you walked back in, you busted that girl's nose up pretty well. I didn't get jealous over that, by the way.'

I had to make the point that I could tell he was freaking jealous. Is he going to pin all this crap on me?

'You know I only have eyes for you,' he told me. I laughed because yeah, I knew that. It broke the tension, a little.

'Yeah, I know. Look, let's just call it a night, and we'll do something better tomorrow, okay? Promise.'

I hope he got that I meant I'd definitely go for a second date with him. I kissed him quickly, not even bothering to check if we had an audience, and then turned around to go get in the car. He took his sweet time getting back in the car, but when he did, I reached over and kissed him again. He seemed really distracted, and I hoped that meant he was realising what a tool he was being. Maybe when we got back to the motel, he'd stop being an ass and we could get back on track, whether Sam was there or not.


	5. Date 1: The motel non-date

Something's changed with Cas. I can't put my finger on it. He normally stares at me the entire time I'm driving anywhere. I catch him in the rear view doing it all the time. It got real bad after he brought up the idea of the two of us getting it together. Today, there's been nothing. I need those looks, man, they break up Sam talking endlessly, for me at least.

Sam was talking about the case he'd found, acting like it was Friday instead of Tuesday - he's such a freak sometimes - and scrolling through his laptop reading out case notes he'd accessed from the coroners notes. Seriously, how does my brother always get the internet, wherever he goes? I checked the odometer lazily and saw it was pointing at about a quarter empty and a gas station was coming up soon.

'… And there are reports that the local crypt has some activity as well-'

'I'm stopping for gas.' I interrupted Sam.

'Oh, cool. We should get something to eat too. It's going to be a long drive.'

'Yeah, I'm on it.'

I pulled in and stopped the car, climbing out and grabbing a pump, shucking off the cap at the back of the fender and waiting for her to fill up, still wondering what Cas' problem is. I thought he was all over me?

As soon as the pump stopped, and I put the hose back and flipped the lid back on, I headed to Sam's side of the car, banging on the glass to get his attention. He's talking to Cas, so yeah, it's pretty clear that Cas has a problem with me. I'll ask Sam later when angel boy is sulking. Sam wound the window down.

'Hey man, I'm gonna grab something to eat. Anything you want?'

Sam shrugged.

'Anything that's not too unhealthy.'

I laughed, and headed into the store, leaving Sam to pick Cas' brains some more, and headed down the aisles, looking at the food. Like I'm going to get Sam anything remotely healthy, he always forgets my damn pie. And speaking of pie, there's a tonne here. Cherry, apple, banana cream, chicken pot … I'm having me some pie time. I grabbed as much as I could, and a couple of six-packs, some decent whiskey, and at the last minute at the register, some beef jerky for Sam. The attendant looked at me tiredly.

'Pump four,' I grunted at him, trying to peer through the door at Sam and Cas. They looked like they were still talking. The guy took forever to ring it all up, and I passed him one of our fake credit cards as soon as he gave me the price. I wanna get back in that car.

As soon as everything was done, I was out of the store and in the car, shoving the bags at Sam, and starting my Baby up. Sam started going through the bags.

'Dude, all you got was whiskey, beer, jerky and pie.'

'Yeah, because I don't forget the pie.'

'Dean, it's just pie.'

'You're just pie.'

'That doesn't even make any sense.'

'Shut up. Bitch.'

'Jerk.'

Sam started laughing, and I smiled for like, a second, before I looked back at Cas and saw him staring out of the window again. I couldn't join in laughing with Sam because there it is again - what is Cas' problem?

* * *

I sent Sam to check us in when we finally got to the town and found the motel Sam had looked up on his ever-present internet. Apparently it was the cheapest one that wouldn't give us bed bugs. Whatever. I had issues with my angel. As soon as he was gone, I turned around to Cas. He's not going to avoid the confrontation.

'Hey man, are you okay? You haven't said a word the entire drive. You haven't even done that staring thing you do. Did I piss you off or something?'

'No, Dean,' Cas sighed like even saying that to me was a huge effort. What is his _problem_? I tried to be nice still, and recap everything for him because I would put money on him not even bothering to listen.

'Well, okay. Look, Sam and me, we've got to see about this case. Sounds like a regular old haunting to me. But when we're done, you wanna talk about that date?'

I forced a smile, like "hey, I got no beef with you, man," and he looked at me for about a second before looking down at his hands.

'We don't have to worry about that, Dean.'

What the hell is that meant to mean? Is he bailing out on me? Sam climbed back in the car before I could chew Cas out. My brother has lousy timing.

'We're good to go. Room two-nineteen. Key.'

He passed me my room key, one of those swipe card things, rather than an actual key. I toyed with it, still dwelling on what Cas had just said. Why's he suddenly gone off me? Guy practically drooled when I drank my beer and now he doesn't wanna date me? Is he over-thinking this shit?

'Thanks man. Hey, I'll catch you up, I wanna talk to Cas for a second.'

'Okay. See you later.'

He reached over and grabbed his stuff, then disappeared to the room, and I turned back to Cas, who was staring at me for the first time all day.

'What the hell do you mean, we don't have to worry about that? You don't wanna go out with me any more?'

Cas just shook his head. What the hell? Just yesterday he was making me tell him my favourite dates. Is he thinking he can't compete or something stupid like that? I'm not being played about like this.

'Tough luck. You can't just spend weeks trying to convince me to go on a date with you then turn around and say you're not bothered. I mean, did I do something?'

He stared out the window again, like all the answers were out there instead of in his damn head.

'No, Dean. I've given it some thought and I realise that I shouldn't have to convince you to date me. You should want to in the first place.'

I rolled my eyes. That's not a reason, not when he was practically sitting on me, listening as I described the time I ended up screwing a girl on a beach. I _know_ he was picturing himself in the chick's place.

'Cas, shut up. Confidence is sexy, you know? You do wanna date me, and I said yes, so stop being such a damn child about it.'

'I've changed my mind, Dean.'

I know he hasn't. I could feel the need to chew him out growing, and he finally looked back up at me.

'I don't know why you're so upset over my decision, anyway. It's not like you date men normally.'

He zapped out the second he stopped talking, and I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me. Is he for freaking real? I would've shut it down if I wasn't okay with the idea, and the fact we've spent weeks talking about dating … doesn't he get it? At all? I grabbed my crap out the backseat and locked Baby up, going to our room. Sam looked up as I threw the door open, and slung my bag into the nearby chair.

'Hey, where's Cas?' Sam tried to ignore my bad mood. Nice try, Sasquatch.

'The bitch zapped out on me. But come on, we've got a ghost to bust.'

'A ghostbusters joke? Really?' Sam shook his head, and pulled out a notebook he had all his case notes in. 'Something's bugging him.'

'Yeah, he's a fucking child.'

Sam flicked through the notebook pages rather than answer that.

'Anyway, the last people to see the ghost are Mr and Mrs Banks. I got their address, we should suit up and talk to them.'

I didn't answer him, except to pull my suit out and start getting changed. Sam did the same, but once we were ready, and he was looking for our FBI badges, he brought up Cas again.

'Look, I don't know what's going on with you and Castiel, but you've spent a lot of time together, ignoring me lately. Maybe you just need to give him some breathing space?'

The guy always goes to sleep at ten, his choice, so how does he even think we're ignoring him?

'Well, thanks Oprah, I'll keep that in mind. Ready to go?'

Sam pouted in that bitchface he has, letting me know he thinks I'm being a dick, and then nodded to the door.

'Yeah, let's go.'

We left the room, and got back in the car. I admit, I was keeping an eye out for a trench coat the whole time. But he wasn't anywhere. If Sam noticed, he still wasn't saying anything, and I was glad that I didn't have him prying into the situation. It's already weird enough.

Sam directed me as we drove through the town, up to the address he's pulled out his ass. And when we knocked, the chick who answered was smoking hot. But Sam cockblocked me before I could even say hi, doing those puppy dogs and talking like I wasn't even there. She invited us in, and I held him back.

'Dude, what was that?'

'Dean, I'm not blind. How do you think Castiel would feel if you hit on her?'

Shit, he has noticed. He walked into the house after the girl, asking her if her husband was home. Right, yeah, she's married. And anyway, Sam's clearly not all that with it, he doesn't know Cas has put an end to the idea of us, so I'm free to hit on her if I want to.

'Oh, no, I'm not married! I get that all the time. I live here with my brother. When I'm not at Brown anyway.'

Great, the chick's like a female Sam. He started blabbing about Stanford and being pre-law and they started nerding it up for like, twenty minutes. Sam finally got onto the topic of the case, you know, why we were there in the first place, and she confessed all the stuff that people usually hold back on in case of the crazy. I guess she's really into Sam. He even gave her his damn number, and arranged to hook up with her once we'd finished burning the bones. At least he didn't tell her that's what we were doing, he said we had some paperwork to do and it could take a while, but he'd call her later to arrange some time to meet. When did my baby brother turn into such a womaniser? Normally he's really awkward around women. We left the house, and I went in for the kill.

'Dude-'

'Dean, look, I know, okay? No, Cas didn't say anything in the car when you were getting gas, the tension is so thick I almost can't breathe. So, what's going on?'

'We're hunting bones, Sam, that's what's going on.'

'It wouldn't hurt to let me in, Dean.'

'Fine,' I snapped as we climbed back into the Impala. 'Cas ended it before it even began. That's what he was saying while you were checking us in. So you can stop being so high and mighty, and we can just focus on the case. Okay?'

Sam sighed.

'Do you want it to be over? You've seemed pretty happy the last couple of days.' I ignored him. 'Look, he's probably feeling insecure. Do something to show him you care. Do it while I'm on my date tonight.'

'I'm going to find the grave so we can just get on with it after sundown.'

* * *

The hunt was, you know, standard. We found the grave, went back to the motel, Sam looked up restaurants to take his date and criticised me for the Cas stuff all afternoon while I made sure we had everything we needed. Lighter fluid, lighter, salt, two spades in the trunk of the car, a couple of beers to celebrate a job well done. The basics.

And even without Sam going on and on, I was thinking about Cas. About what I wanted with the guy. I don't know what he expects from me, but I admit, I'm intrigued by the idea of us. I wouldn't have said I'd go out with him if I wasn't a little bit curious. So maybe my annoying little brother has a point. And I was thinking over what I could do now the whole ride back to the cemetery, the entire time we were digging up the grave, with every motion that feels like second nature now. As the bones burnt, we sat at the edge of the grave with our beers.

'So, what're you going to do?' Sam wanted to know.

'Go back to the motel.'

'That's it? Come on, Dean, make the effort.'

'Back the hell off.'

'Fine, Dean,' he got up and started shovelling the dirt back on the grave. I helped, hoping his "fine" meant that he wasn't going to interfere. We started heading back to the motel, and he made me pull over so he could buy his date some flowers, calling her on the drive from the store to the motel to say we were wrapping up soon and then he'd be there. I guessed he wanted a shower. I did too, but I figured the quicker I got rid of Sam, the less annoying he would be.

Thankfully, Sam was in a hurry, so he didn't say much to me in the room, except when he brought the cup out of the bathroom and pulled one of the flowers out of the bunch he'd bought and put it in the cup, leaving it on the table.

'You could use the help, lets face it,' he snarked.

'Enjoy your date. Don't come back until tomorrow.'

He flipped me off as he left the room, and I shoved the pot pie I'd bought into the oven in the kitchenette, turning it on and looking at that damn flower. And then I remembered Cas saying one time, a stupid throwaway comment, about that scene in Lady and the Tramp. I didn't have much, but I could do something to make it look like that. I ran down to the car, grabbing a candle and a fairly clean rag out, running back up to the room and redoing the table, and then having the world's quickest shower. And once I was dressed again, I prayed.

'Cas? I know you're still mad at me. I can't figure out why, but … if you want to talk man, I'm ready. Sam's met a girl from the case, he's not going to be back all night, so we can talk this out. Just you and me. Okay?'

Cas zapped in pretty quickly, his eyes sweeping across the room before he looked up at me. I couldn't read his expression right. He almost looked like he'd been crying.

'What is this?' he asked eventually, sounding pissed off. I knew this was a crock of shit, trying to get him talking to me again. He's making me feel really tense, and I don't like it.

'Like I said, we need to talk.' I shrugged like it was no big deal, then walked over to him, removing his coat slowly, looking into his eyes like he does to me all the time. I threw his coat on my bed as he started breathing heavily. I kew he wanted it. I got rid of the jacket next. When he's just in a shirt, that's less tense, right? He didn't resist me taking his clothes off, but he isn't doing anything either. I didn't know whether to grab his face and kiss him like I would have thought he wanted, or make a stupid joke. It seemed easier to do the second thing. 'You're always trying to have eye sex with me.'

Cas didn't smile. He winced. He really isn't interested any more, is he? So what the hell?

'You're not looking away.'

He sounded sad as he said that, like some joke between us that had gone flat. Have we joked about this before? I don't remember. I pushed on with my big idea, before he freaked me out completely and I gave up on Sam's stupid advice.

'Yeah, well, I wanted to do you dinner, the whole bit, but then I remembered you're an angel, you don't eat-'

'I'll eat.' He sounded happier than he had all day. I went with it.

'Really?'

'Yes. I appreciate the effort, Dean.' The off tone is still there, but I'm not out yet.

'You know I'm counting this as our date, right?' I smirked. He looked over at the table, his expression pained. Oh, come on Cas, just talk to me!

'You only agreed to one date, Dean.'

I rolled my eyes. Is that what this whole thing is about? Because I said one date and he's still pressing the idea of more than one? Did he not get that I meant one date for sure, and if it's good then there'll be more?

'Okay, Cas, sit down.' I pointed to one of the chairs and he went over to sit in it, as I grabbed the other chair, leaning up close to him so he got that I meant what I was about to say. Cas looked at me warily. 'Look, I don't know what's going on with you, man, but you have to calm down. Okay? Just let whatever's going to happen between us happen. Because I might not be here tomorrow, and this isn't the way I wanna spend whatever time I get. Just stop over-thinking, okay? I said yes. That should be enough.'

'Dean, I-'

'I said yes, Cas. The least you can do is respect that.'

Cas started staring at Sam's stupid flower, and he sounded like he was pacifying me when he spoke again.

'You're right. You've gone to a lot of effort for tonight. Is Sam really out with a girl?'

I'm going to pretend he was being genuine, and just go with the Sam question. Editing the cockblocking, of course.

'Yeah. She graduated from Brown so they were talking college for forever. Somehow that earned him a date. And I figured since he was going to be gone so long, maybe you and me could work this out.'

I didn't know whether Cas would understand what I meant by Brown, but I hoped he would at least appreciate the effort I was making for him. For us. He nodded, and finally looked back at me, smiling like I'd just told him I was in love with him of something. And then he reached over to hold my hand, and I stared at them, our hands together.

It was different, holding hands with a guy. His hands were rough, and his fingers were thick and stubby. But somehow, it wasn't horrible. Probably because it was Cas. And then out of nowhere, he stood up, and walked around the tiny table, sitting on me and staring down at me. I looked right back.

'Are you okay, Cas?'

He licked his lips, then slowly held my head, bending down and kissing me. What changed? What made him decide that actually yes, he does want to give this a shot? Or is this something else? Is this just sex and then nothing? Whatever it is, it's not what I was expecting when he and I finally did kiss. I was expecting to have to show him a lot, but he seems to know what he's doing. Yeah, he really knows what he's doing. I used my free hand to pull him closer, and the kiss got more intense, and Cas got more confident. Maybe he's getting the vibe I'm getting, that maybe this could actually work? I'm glad he's been talking me into this. I'm glad Sam stood up to me over that girl. And I'm definitely glad Sam's out with her right now, because this would never happen with him hanging around the room.

I need to stop thinking about my brother when Cas' tongue is in my mouth. I pulled his hand up between us so I could let go without offending him, and once my hand was free, I put my hand on his ass, squeezing it and tugging him even closer, so his legs were pretty much wrapped around my waist. I could feel his dick, hard and pressing into my stomach, and it didn't gross me out the way I expected it to. It kinda turned me on instead. Okay, if we're having sex, we're not doing it on this chair, I don't think it could take it. We're doing it on the bed.

I nudged his legs further around me, and stood up, surprised by how light he was, considering he was an angel stuffed into a guy. I managed to make it to my bed, and pulled Cas down with me as I collapsed on the bed. He unwound his legs from my waist and immediately I missed the pressure, but then he started slowly kissing down my face and onto my neck. And oh man, he knew what he was doing there too, because I started practically dry humping him without meaning too. I don't want him to stop either. I want him, in every sense.

'Fuck, Cas,' I hissed involuntarily. And then he started pulling at my shirt, trying to work it over my shoulders, and I sat up to make it easier, pulling my tee off as well, throwing both of them onto Sam's bed. Cas' eyes scanned my body slowly, dragging a finger over my stomach, driving me fucking crazy. I'm going to screw his brains out. I laughed as his finger carried on tracing my stomach, and put my hands in his hair, tugging him back towards me so we could make out some more. He came willingly, and as he did I had to voice something about what he was doing to me. He had to know. 'Man, if this is what you're like when we're not on a date, I can't wait for when we're on one.'

He wrapped his arms around my chest, stopping short of where I could kiss him again.

'I thought you were counting this as our date?' he pointed out. Yeah, that was then, that was before I decided I want to fuck him into tomorrow.

'Maybe I'm getting greedy.' I teased him, raising my head so I could kiss him. I really want his mouth on me again, wherever he's willing to put it. I got a flash of me naked on the bed, looking down at him as he worked on my dick. It was a pretty hot image, one that's definitely going to become a reality.

'I like you greedy,' he told me in between kisses. I laughed, and felt him, hard, against my leg. And again, I wasn't grossed out by another guy's junk like I thought I might be. It did not matter in that moment. I just wanted Cas.

'Mmmm, talking of greedy,' I laughed, and grabbed his tie, pulling him even closer, licking the roof of his mouth and grinding against him again, feeling the rub of his shirt against my bare skin and the way my jeans rubbed against his slacks. His fingers started tracing my body again, sliding down easily as the intensity was making us both sweat. And all we've done is make out and dry hump a little. I could feel him reaching for my fly, and I swear it made adrenaline shoot straight to my dick.

And then the oven timer went off, and it took like, all my restraint to detach my mouth from his. Truth is, as hot as this is, as much as I want to hear him scream my name, I'm kinda hungry too. Plus, it's pie.

'Cas, that's the food.'

'Forget about it.' Cas muttered, honing in on my mouth again. Oh yeah, it's easy for him to forget about food when he never eats. Although he looks like he wants to devour me right now. And that would be okay, but there's pie.

'I can't Cas, I can't burn this place down. And I'm hungry. Just let me eat, and we'll get back to this, okay?'

'Do you mean that?' he asked as he bit my lip gently. Like he has to work to convince me any more.

'Of course, Cas. Now let me up, before it burns.'

'Make me,' he demanded. I think I like playful, domineering Cas. But not as much as I need to eat right now, so I pushed him onto the bed and got up, crossing the room and taking the pie out of the oven. I could feel Cas' eyes on me the whole time I was getting it ready, and I knew I was going to choke it down and get right back to it. Or I could speed up the process, and make Cas taste of pie.

'Did you want some?'

'I'm sure it'll just taste of molecules,' Castiel shrugged. 'Watching you eat will be good enough for me.'

I'd assume he has a pie kink, but I think he just has a me kink. He's laying on my bed, his erection really fucking obvious, and he's staring at me like I knew he would be. I'm starting to wonder if it might just be better to let the pie go and rejoin Cas, but my stomach's hurting and, well, pie.

'What did you cook?' he asked me after a little while.

'Pot pie. You sure you don't want any?'

'I'm sure. I know how you feel about pie.'

He seems okay with me taking a break for food, which is a relief, considering how he's been all day. I mean, he's not taking it personally. And in return, I didn't moan with just how good my pie is. I'll save that for when we're getting it on instead.

Or I would have, if Sam didn't come home. I thought I told him not to come back until tomorrow? The cloth, candle and flower on the table disappeared as the door swung open, and I knew Cas had something to do with it. Sam seeing his damn flower next to a ritual candle is the least of our worries. He took a moment to look at me, in my chair, topless and eating pie, and hiding my stiffie pretty well, and then at Cas, who was still pretty obviously standing to attention. This was why I told him not to come the fuck home.

'Guys? Is everything okay?' he asked like he didn't know he'd just walked in on something. I decided to play nice, to see if I could get rid of him somehow. I still wanna bone Cas.

'Yes. How was your date?'

'Good. She was nice.' He took a second, and then decided to be a little bitch. 'Any reason why you're not wearing a shirt?'

'I got hot,' I said it like it was no big deal, like my boyfriend hadn't gotten me so hot in the first place. Sam looked at Cas for a moment, who didn't seem to notice anything wrong with Sam walking in on us. And then my brother turned back to me.

'Got any of that pie going?'

Yeah, like I'm going to share with him when he's standing in the doorway and not getting the hint that he's not wanted tonight.

'Nope, all mine. I think there's still some jerky?'

'You're an asshole.' He declared before he stomped over to his bed, where I'd left my shirts. 'And dude, don't leave your shit on my bed.'

He's not getting lost and letting me at Cas again, and I'm the asshole? I should screw Cas whether Sam's here or not, and totally go against our unspoken agreement. He threw my shirts, and they landed on Cas. He didn't move, and I couldn't help but join in with Sam's laughter. Cas is too cute. He nudged a sleeve aside to look at me, his face a little bewildered, but I could see he was disappointed. I'd promised him we'd carry on getting it on, but we can't if Sam's there. Maybe we could sneak down into the car and screw on the backseat? But I get the feeling that once we get into it, we're going to need more space. Tomorrow, I'm getting my own room without Sam. Just me and Cas and all the time in the world.

* * *

**Whoa, look at the length of this one! I've been working on it for days. Hope you guys enjoy it! Also, I've changed the writing in this and Fifty First Dates to M. As if you couldn't tell by reading this chapter!**


	6. Date 1: More motel fun

**And I'm finally updating both of them at the same time!**

* * *

I woke up as a little spoon. It took me a moment to remember what had happened last night, but then it came back to me. Making out with Castiel and eating pie and Sam interrupting before we could seal the deal. Cas is my big spoon. And he's stroking my bicep gently, kissing my shoulder every now and again. I looked over at Sam's bed, which was empty.

'Where's Sam?' I whispered. Cas reached over and kissed my cheek.

'Out on his early morning jog. I didn't join you in your bed until he'd left about ten minutes ago.'

I twisted around to face him, wrapping an arm around him as I went.

'I guess that gives us fifty minutes to fool around before he gets back.'

He frowned like he wanted to ask me what I meant by fool around, but I leaned onto him, until I was on top of him, and started covering his face in tiny kisses. He laughed, and I felt his body relax under mine, his fingers doing that thing along my sides.

'This,' I kissed his cheek, 'was' and by his eye, 'the' I kissed his forehead, 'best' I kissed the tip of his nose, 'idea' I found an eyebrow and kissed there too, 'you've' I nibbled on his earlobe for a moment 'ever' I gave him a swift kiss on his jawline 'had.'

And then I caught his mouth with mine, and felt his tongue, and his teeth, and it was like we were never interrupted last night. I threw my leg over his legs and completely crushed him with my body, pressing close and thanking whatever rare good forces were out there that at some point, Cas had lost his slacks and shirt. I started rocking against him, letting him know exactly what I wanted, and where I wanted to put my morning wood. His hands started sliding down towards my underwear again, and I broke away from his mouth for a second.

'Do you wanna get naked?' I whispered. His eyes looked dark, even in the morning light. He shook his head and caught my mouth again, and slipped his hands under the waistband, onto my dick. I shifted slightly, so he could do what he needed to do and we could still make out.

But he didn't do much, he just held onto me, not too roughly, but like he couldn't believe he was touching me where he was.

'Cas, move your hands,' I whispered into his mouth, trying to give him some help and get me off, but he took it the wrong way. Of course he did. He let go of me, and took his hands out of my pants. 'That's not what I meant.'

'What did you mean?' he panted. I'm not going to describe it! Instead, I felt for his underwear, noticing they were tidy whities - that's going to change - and sliding them down slowly, drawing it out, trying to get him going even more. He stopped being able to concentrate on kissing me, and he was starting to pant harder. I hadn't even touched him.

'Okay Cas,' I whispered. 'You're going to do exactly what I do, okay?'

He nodded slowly, eyes wide, and I gave him a quick kiss before feeling my way between his legs. His fingers brushed across my hips before settling back on my dick, and he curved his fingers around me seconds after I'd wrapped mine around him.

'This is what I did before,' he whispered.

'Mmm-hmm,' I kissed his jawline again, not minding the way his stubble scratched at my mouth. Cas tastes pretty amazing, but I can't put my finger on what it is he tastes like. I started stroking my hand along him, trying not to feel weird that I was touching another guy, that another guy was touching me. It's Cas and we're … well, I need to get over it if I do feel weird. And even if it does feel weird, it feels good. It's good-weird. He started inching his way along me, back and forth slowly, just like I was, and he was staring into my eyes again. This is pretty fucking intimate, right? But I can't wait to see his face when he blows a load. I can't wait to be the person to make that happen.

I slid my hand back up, my fingers toying with his head, and my body started shaking when he did the same to me. I stopped looking at him, and buried my face into his neck, kissing the closest bits of skin I could find as I slid my fingers back down him again, already a little sticky with his pre-cum. I started working him faster, my body moving with his hand as he picked up the pace too, his breath as short as mine was. He was beginning to thrust his hips in time with my hands too, a little clumsily at first, but soon getting into the rhythm. I could feel everything speeding up, and I started to lose track of everything as his hands worked their magic and I fell apart, trying my best to keep going for him.

I broke first, coming all over his hand, his stomach, the bed. If I wasn't buried in his neck I would've probably seen a look of total surprise on his face, but all I could do was groan into him, letting go of him in case I squeezed too hard. There was a pause, and then the bed started moving again, he started moving again, and I guess he was finishing what I started.

'Sorry, Cas,' I muttered.

'It's okay, Dean. Help me,' he grabbed my sticky hand and put it back on him, pumping himself with my hand in between, and I started sucking on his neck as he started bucking like crazy, before sinking into the bed, groaning loudly, as my hand got coated in him.

We laid together for a few moments, before he took my hand off his cock and twisted our fingers together, and I tried to slow my breathing down.

'Dean?' he said eventually. I raised my head, looking at him. 'What did we just do?'

I smiled, and pressed another kiss onto his mouth.

'I thought you wanted it.'

He scrunched his face up like he was thinking about that. Why else was he trying to get in my underpants?

'Hey, Cas?' I propped myself up so I could look at him, leaning over him still. Our legs are still tangled together. His expression cleared a little as he looked at me. 'Awkward question, but before Sam comes back, could you work your angel magic, clean this up? Sam'll ask about it otherwise.'

'Clean what up?'

I raised our hands slightly, the ones still kinda glued together with a mix of our spunk.

'Oh, okay,' he sighed, and just like that it was gone. Even under the covers, I felt fresh and clean, like I'd just showered. 'Dean? Please don't laugh but I have to know. How do two men have sex?'

I did start laughing, just because I couldn't believe he asked that. He looked insulted, so I kissed him gently, trying to let him know I wasn't laughing at him.

'I'll show you tonight,' I promised, kissing him again, just as the door swung open. My brother has lousy timing.

'Ugh, guys, please. Get a room.'

'We had one,' Cas told him before kissing me back.

'Yeah. Look, I'm going for a shower, can you guys stop that please? I mean, I'm happy for you and everything, but that is too damn weird.'

'You're too damn weird,' I snarked back, into Castiel's mouth. A few moments later, I heard the bathroom door close, and I grinned at Cas. 'It's fun messing with him.'

Cas just shook his head.

'We'd better stop here, I don't want to upset Sam.'

I rolled my eyes, and kissed him again.

'We've got a little while before Sam comes out of the shower.'

'I'll get carried away,' he whispered, biting his lip slightly.

'I don't care.'

He sighed, and next moment, we were both dressed, standing opposite sides of the room.

'Dammit, Cas!'

'Sorry, Dean. I'll make it up to you, I promise.'

The bathroom door opened again, and Sam walked out with a hand covering his eyes.

'Are you guys done yet? We need to get going.'

'It's fine, Sam.' I grabbed some of my clothes, and shoved them in my bag. He was right, we needed to get lost. He packed up too, and Cas stood awkwardly to the side of the room, watching us.

'Cas? Can you give us a hand?' Sam asked after a couple of minutes. I took my bag down to the car, a little annoyed that Sam keeps interrupting us. We were just getting somewhere, you know? I'm still a little pissed that he interrupted what could have been an all night session. Even if his date royally sucked, I told him to stay out. At least I got some relief. For a naive angel, Cas really knows what he's doing with his hands. Even thinking about it right now is turning me on, which is crazy since we haven't even gone on a date yet.

Maybe it's a good thing Sam interrupted. We kinda jumped on fast forward last night. I don't want Cas to think I'm just in this for sex. I'm in it for him. I need to tell him that I want more, that the doubt I had when I said one date is gone. We're going to work.

'Hey, are you pissed at me?' Sam interrupted my thoughts.

'No. We're good.'

'Look, if I'd known I'd walk in on you two like that, I would've stayed away. I mean, last thing you were saying was that he didn't want it.'

'You were pushing us back together.' I pointed out.

'I knew it. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Neither of you ever talk about your feelings, I figured it wouldn't matter if I walked in on some awkward conversation. I didn't know you were going to be … so its good?'

'Yeah, its good. You're on your own tonight.'

Sam nodded, grimacing a little.

'Yeah, I guessed. Just take it easy on him, okay? He's still an angel.'

'I know. Hey, so why were you home so early from your date, anyway?'

Castiel came strolling along finally as I asked, standing close beside me. I felt his fingers brush against mine, and this time, I took his hand and stepped closer. Sam pretended not to notice.

'It was nearly ten. Besides, her relationship with her brother was creepy. There's a reason why our research showed they were married.'

'Eww.'

Sam nodded.

'Exactly. But come on, we need to find a new case. If you can stop thinking about each other naked for five minutes?'

Cas squeezed my hand before letting go, so I could get in the car. I looked around quickly for any bystanders and bent my head close to him, getting a kick out of it when his breath hitched.

'It's every five seconds, not every five minutes.'

And then I reached over and pulled at the door handle, climbing in and waiting for Cas to jump in too. He bent into the doorway instead, and looked at Sam and me.

'I'll come and find you later. I have things I need to do.'

'What things?' Sam asked before I could demand Cas stay.

'Things that concern my family. I'll see you soon.'

He bent closer and kissed my face, and then he was gone. There was silence for a moment, before Sam opened his big mouth.

'Does it bug you when he does that?'

'Shut up.' I put the car into drive and pulled out the lot, as Sam opened up his laptop and scanned for any crazy news that might point to a case.

* * *

Seven hours later, and we hadn't found a single case. Instead, we agreed to have the day off, and after finally going back to the bunker after weeks away, we headed into Lawrence and went bowling. It was kinda cool to just sit back, throw back a few beers and fuck about giving Sammy the bump bars every turn. Like when we were kids and Dad insisted, the few times we actually went with him. And we talked, and he wasn't even irritating with it.

'So like, you and Cas,' he'd started as I walked back from a spare and grabbed my third beer.

'So like, me and Cas,' I took my seat, but he didn't get up to bowl.

'What is it? Are you just fooling around or are you together now?'

'Or it's your turn.'

'I'm serious, Dean.'

'I don't know. I said we'd see how it goes. It seems like it's going okay.'

'I never thought I'd see you settle down.'

'I don't think you'll ever take your turn.'

He huffed, and got up, throwing the ball like it didn't matter and getting a strike. Damn, that puts him ahead. He turned right back around and carried on talking at me, blocking my path to the pins.

'Seriously, I'm happy for you.'

'You said before.' I pushed past him, and grabbed a ball.

'I just wish I had someone like that, you know? Someone who looks at me the way Cas looks at you.'

I nodded. I like the way Cas looks at me.

'Yeah, well, you'll find someone Sammy. Are we done?'

Sam grabbed his beer and drained it in one.

'One more go. I kicked your ass so bad.' He nodded at the score card, where he was whomping my ass by about fifty points. I'm going to blame my poor performance on Cas. I mean, you're meant to be all distracted when you're in a new relationship, right? He got two more strikes, just to completely kick my ass, and we left the alley, Sam bouncing along in a pretty good mood and ribbing me constantly about my bad aim. We got back to the bunker, and he went into his room, laughing at how he kicked my ass still, and I went into my room, where I found Cas sitting on my bed, watching the doorway. I stepped into the room quickly, closing the door behind me and kicking off my boots as I crossed the room to him, sinking down on the bed beside him and pulling him close. But when I kissed him, he pushed me away.

'What, are you off me again?' I teased him. He shook his head, and rested his forehead against mine.

'No, Dean. Of course not. But I want us to slow down. You said you were happy to wait for Cassie and Lisa. Can you wait for me?'

'Of course, Cas. We can still make out though, right?'

Cas nodded, but his mind was clearly elsewhere. Maybe I was in a sappy mood, or maybe I was just completely defeated from losing at bowling, because the next words out of my mouth were pretty lame.

'How about we do something else?'

'Dean-'

'No, trust me, Cas. Sit forward a little and close your eyes.'

He gave me a suspicious look, but went with it. I reached over, and did something my mom used to do at bedtime to calm me down and make me sleepy. I traced my fingers all over his face slowly, tenderly, and then stroked along his back, twirling my fingers over every bit of him, like my fingers were learning every inch of his body. I traced along his arms for a moment as well, before coming back and gliding my fingers all over his back. I couldn't tell what he was thinking about this, or if it annoyed him that I planned to do it for a while. He was quiet and still, and I shifted around so I was sitting behind him, still tickling along his back with my hands. He sighed happily, and after a few minutes, he leaned back into me. I traced my fingers up his side and slid them slowly along his neck, tickling the sensitive skin there. He tilted his head back further as I carried on tracing along his neck.

'This feels wonderful, Dean,' Cas sounded far away, even though he was right in front of me, kinda mushing me up against the headboard.

'Good, it's meant to,' I kissed his temple.

'Thank you,' he whispered.

'Sure.' I stopped stroking along his neck and wound my arms around him.

'I meant, for agreeing to give us a try, for saying you'll be patient with me, for everything.'

I rested my head on his shoulder.

'Yeah, well. Hey, you wanna go do something? I mean, we haven't even had a date yet.'

His head rocked forward, moving away from me like I'd startled him, and then he settled back, curling into me again. That was weird.

'I'm happy here right now, Dean. Just sitting here with you.'

I decided not to question any of it, the weird reaction, or the way he covered it up, or even where we're going. I'm just happy where we are right now.


	7. Date 1: The carnival

You ever wake up and feel like something big's changed in the night and you can't put your finger on it? I had that. I felt like I'd gone to bed with a girl, and woken up without her. But more than that, weren't we staying in a motel, on our way back from killing that djinn? Why the hell was I waking up in the bunker? The djinn didn't get to me and make me hallucinate until Sam rescued me, did it? Have I been out of it since then? Geez, no wonder I woke up feeling like crap.

I headed to the kitchen for coffee, lots and lots of coffee, and saw Sam sitting at the table, reading through a newspaper.

'Brewed a fresh pot,' he told the paper.

'Mmm. Good.' I poured a cup and sat opposite him.

'Where's Cas?'

I shrugged, and he looked up at me.

'I don't keep the guy on a leash.'

Sam got his bitch face on, and turned a page.

'So how's it going? With you and him?'

He was still staring at the paper, avoiding my glare. So I guess Cas and me haven't been that subtle, or Sam's been awake the whole damn time.

'Bite me.' I said instead. And then I squinted at the paper. 'Oh, that's messed up.'

He looked for what I was referring to, saw I was staring at the front page.

'What? The bi-elections?'

'No, the date on the paper. Did you buy a paper from the future?'

Sam tilted the paper to look at the top of the page.

'It's fine, Dean.'

'It's the sixth.'

Sam looked at me like I'd lost it.

'You still think it's Tuesday?'

'It's not mystery spot, Sammy. It is freaking Tuesday.'

'Dean, that was last week. What's going on with you?'

'Nothing's going on with me. Your paper's wrong, and so are you.'

Sam ruffled through the pages quickly, and showed me an ad.

'Okay, if you're right, then this carnival hasn't pulled in yet over near Tulsa. We'll go check it out. But if I'm right - which I am - it's the last night they're here.'

I glared at him, and he looked over at the doorway for a second before looking back at me.

'Well, anyway. We should go.' He shrugged like that would solve everything, and I grabbed my coffee as I rolled my eyes, gulping some down and spotting Cas, who had just walked in, looking between us like a grenade had just gone off.

'Sure, I'll prove you wrong. Cas? Sam thinks we should go to a carnival that's happening "tonight", want to come?'

I did the quote thing with my fingers, still glaring at Sam. Sam raised an eyebrow back, like it was so surprising that I'd ask Cas to come along.

'That sounds wonderful, Dean.'

I looked at him, and he smiled back in that dopey way he does, and Sam stood up. Is he pissed that Cas was there? He looked down at me with that bitch face on.

'I'm going to scan online for any more cases. Maybe tomorrow we can get back to work?'

Like I've been slacking off. I pulled the paper towards me as Cas took Sam's chair. I could feel his eyes burning into me as I tried to work out how the hell Sam had pulled this paper prank off. It looks pretty legit.

'Is everything okay, Dean?' Cas asked as I tried to find a goof article.

'Mmm, yeah, sure. Sam's full of shit, that's all.'

It was quiet for a while, and I finished my coffee, still scanning the paper, feeling Cas' eyes on me. It gives me the weirdest sense of deja vu. It shouldn't, Cas stares at me all the freaking time. He finally spoke when I put my cup down.

'So, this carnival visit, is this going to be our date?'

I laughed a little, and stopped quickly, looking up at him. He's got this hopeful expression on his face, which makes him look extra adorable.

Fuck, did I just think that? Anyway, I kinda have to explain to the guy why I can't do our date tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, whenever it happens.

'Sam'll be there. And there won't be a carnival.'

He crumpled into the seat like I'd just broken up with him, and I found myself backpedalling. Although, guy really needs more of a backbone. I'm okay with dating him, he shouldn't be so damn needy.

'Hey, Cas, it'll be okay. We'll do something tomorrow, maybe? Or how about this, if Sam isn't being the biggest dick on the planet right now, and there is a carnival? We try and ditch him on a ride and make it our date.'

'Are you sure?' He did a pitiful impression of not giving a rats ass. I tried to hold it together. It's not his fault Sam's been a douchebag this morning.

'Cas, I wasn't … this isn't about us dating, okay? I don't think the carnival really exists. If I'm wrong, then we'll make it about us. It's just Sam being Sam. It's not you.'

I grabbed his hand, trying to soothe his worries by rubbing my thumb across the back, and he sat up a little straighter, looking at my mouth like it was some kind of target. I felt a jolt deep down, like just that look was turning me on. When did that happen? When did it go from being a little bit curious about what Cas was asking for to wanting to fool around with him? I swallowed hard, trying to figure this out. Maybe we can just go back to my room and do whatever and completely blow off Sam?

'Hey, so um, we'll probably head out in a couple of hours,' I began, then got unstuck. With a human, I could easily get him in my room, and out of his clothes, but with an angel? With this angel? He's not going to understand a damn thing, is he? He squeezed my fingers and I grabbed my coffee cup with my spare hand, trying to find something to do or say, something that didn't involve me getting inside that trenchcoat. I tried to drink it, but then I remembered that I already had. God, what's he doing to me right now? I let go of his hand, grabbed Sam's cup and headed for the sink, taking my time to wash up. I could feel his gaze burning into me, and I knew his attention was on my ass. He wouldn't say no to doing whatever in my room, would he? I turned around as I dried my hands, and he took a moment to raise his eyes, which had been checking out my ass. And then my dick. I put the towel away, and tried to find some way to say what was on my mind. Which, honestly, was just _blow me, Cas. _He would if I asked, wouldn't he?

'Cas, last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.'

His eyes swept down my body and back up. Screw it, I'm taking that as permission. I walked back over to him, standing just in front of his chair, bending down to whisper in his ear.

'How about when we see that the carnival's a figment of Sam's imagination we ditch him anyway and have that date?'

He took a second to answer. Does he get what I'm saying to him?

'Is that what you want, Dean?'

What I want is to fuck him, right now. I haven't got laid in a while. And he can't keep looking at me like that, not today. I kissed his forehead, holding his head as I kissed down his nose slowly, trying to savour the feeling. Cas held his breath as I kissed his mouth, barely touching him, just catching at his lips, trying to drive him as crazy as he was driving me.

'Does that answer your question?'

Cas grabbed my shoulders, and tugged me towards him, kissing me almost violently. Yeah, I'm about to screw him. And it doesn't even feel weird, it feels like we're meant to be doing this. I threw my leg over his, sliding down his body until I was sitting on him, still kissing him like I was trying to eat his face, pushing against him so he got the message, the one that said _I want to fuck you, Cas_. He pulled me closer, like he was saying _I want to screw you too, Dean_. I heard myself groan, grabbing onto his head tighter, forcing his head back, trying to get my tongue all the way down his throat. I could hear the scrape of the chair leg as we made the chair rock, and I wondered if we were going to make it into my bedroom. Hell, we probably wouldn't make it out of the kitchen. Or off of this damn chair.

And then there was a loud metallic ringing sound. I pulled away from Cas, who looked completely blissed out already, and turned to see Sam standing by the sink, rolling his eyes at Cas and me. Well, he was asking earlier, now he knows.

'Come on, Dean. The carnival's a few hours away.' He pulled a face like it was painful to see Cas and me like we were, caught up in each other on a chair. 'Maybe lend Cas some clothes. Who wears a suit and a trench coat to a carnival?'

Sam walked out the room, and even though every part of me wanted Cas right then, I forced myself to get off him, to step away. He looked confused, like I was sending him mixed messages, and all I wanted was to climb back on him and forget all about Sam and his belief that time is passing faster than it is. I forced myself to choke out an explanation, because Sam will keep interrupting us until he gets his own way.

'He's a bitch, but he has a point. We'll finish this off later, okay?' I touched his mouth, tracing over it with my thumb, letting him know it's not him, and he nodded, wide-eyed. Man, I can't handle him like that! I grabbed his tie, using it to pull him along with me as I went back to my room. And I was tempted to lock us in and try to break the bed, but maybe I should hold off. I might confuse him if we fuck before we go on this all important date. But man, I want to fuck him. I made myself concentrate on giving him some clothes, passing them to him and kissing him again. I couldn't resist. God, what happened overnight to make me so fucking horny?

'Get dressed, we're going soon. I think I have some sneakers somewhere you can use as well.' Cas blinked at me slowly, looking completely dazed. And completely fuckable. I need to hold it together. 'Don't give me that look.'

I walked out to give him the chance to get dressed, and hurried into the bathroom to knock one out, door locked behind me as I stood over the toilet, pants around my ankles and leaning against the wall, my head full of images of Cas' last look and the way he kissed me in the kitchen as I worked myself over. As I was getting close, the images changed, and I could picture him under me, with a full-on sex face as I rammed into him. I didn't need to do much after that image, I came everywhere, breathing heavily, leaning hard against the wall. We haven't even left yet, and I already can't wait to get him home.

* * *

I hated the car ride. Sam gave directions the entire time, still in full out bitch mode. Like, I get it already Sam, you think you're right. You're full of bullshit. I mean, how can I have lost an entire week? If this is some bullshit prank of his, he can fuck off. Unless it was the djinn, and that wiped me out for a week, but Sam didn't say shit about that. Dude, I am so pissed off with him. At least Cas came along, looking damn sexy in my clothes. Sam has no idea that we're planning to ditch him to fool around.

Sam pointed the way into the field that was being used as a car park, and I could see a Ferris wheel in the distance, and a giant tent where I guess all the oddities were. Fuck, Sam's right. And the little bitch had to do an I told you so, didn't he? He stuck his hand out, pointing out the Ferris wheel. Yeah, I see it, dickbag.

'Carnival.'

I gave one shitty look, and climbed out of the car, knocking on the window for Cas. Sam walked off for the entrance, and Cas left the car like a human, watching me like I was going to bite his head off. I might nibble it, a little.

'Is everything okay, Dean?'

'Yeah, don't worry about it. Come on, I wanna feed you up on carny food and then watch you puke on the Helter Skelter.' I tried to get into the mood. I mean, an angel at a carnival? It's going to be so funny. And I'll get him to suck my dick in the Portapottys if I have to. He frowned like he didn't get it.

'I thought this was a date?'

I smiled at that, putting my arm around him as I did, trying to hold back the urge to push him up against Baby and get under the shirt he's wearing.

'Sure babe, this can be our date.'

Cas leaned into me, practically laying his head on my shoulder. He's such a cute little puppy dog. We caught up with Sammy at the fairground gate, and he rolled his eyes at us, like we were being an insufferable couple. Is that what we are? I mean, I said take it a date at a time, but I'm really comfortable with him. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, being Cas' boyfriend.

'I've paid already,' Sam snarked, and headed in. I took my arm from Cas' shoulder, and took his hand instead, pulling him through the entrance gate and checking to see which way Sam went. We're going the other way. I pointed Cas to one of those fairground rides, the Tilt-A-Whirl.

'Let him cool down, we'll go have some fun. Come on.' I kissed him again, noticing how quiet Cas was. Does he just not get what a carnival's about? Or is he worried that because I'm pissed at Sam I'll be pissed at him too? We climbed up into the ride, and into one of the cars, and as soon as he was settled I brought the safety bar down, locking us into the car. He looked down at the bar as I looked at him, trying to work out what was going on in his head.

'Dean? Are we about to get tortured?'

I laughed as the ride started up.

'Some would say that. It's going to be fun, Cas. Here we go.'

And the ride kicked in, spinning around as we went around the track. I started laughing as we got knocked into each other, and I tried to put my arm back around him, reassure him, because as far as I could see in the chaos, he looked a little green. I couldn't ask him if he was okay, the music was too loud. And when the ride stopped, his eyes were bugging out. I didn't think he'd be able to stand, let alone talk. I held out my hand to help him out the car, but he passed it off, like he didn't want me to see how much he hadn't liked the ride. Like he couldn't get more fuckable. I took his hand anyway, to keep him close, and looked around the fairground once we were off the ride and out of the queue.

'Wanna go in the haunted house?' I asked as I spotted it. God, how bad is that going to be? 'See if it'll freak us out.'

'They have a house inhabited by ghosts? Do they know a failed Reaper?'

I stopped walking and rounded on the guy, standing closer than I normally let him get. I don't think he cared about the lack of personal space. He never really remembers, anyway.

'Cas, it's a tacky carny ride. But it's dark and a great place to make out. Especially when you get scared.'

'I've been fighting demons since your species developed, Dean, I won't be scared.'

'It's tacky as hell, of course you would be.'

I winked at him, and started heading over to it, feeling a tug on my pants as Cas grabbed my back pocket. I reached back and made sure his entire hand was in there. He didn't touch my ass as we walked, and I wished he would. Like, come on man, you said you want me and I'm giving you all the signals, do something, right? But he didn't, even in the short queue. I looked over my shoulder at him, leaning back slightly while we waited for our turn.

'Here we go. You're going to have to let go of my butt for the ride.'

He took his hand out straight away, like I'd told him not to. Jesus, what does a guy have to do to get felt up around here? We got into the tiny cart, squished up together and I put my arm around him, as the thing shuddered and pushed us into the gloom of the ride. Everything was in dim lights, covered in fake cobwebs. The werewolf looked half bald, and one of the skeletons was missing an arm. And people find this stuff scary? What's next, a sheet with black paint for a ghost? I looked at Cas through the poor lighting, enjoying the fact I could just look at his profile in the dark, and think _he's mine_, without anyone knowing what was running through my head.

'I see what you mean about the tack,' he whispered, and turned his head. Something moved beside me, but all I could focus on was him. I wriggled as close as I could to him, and aimed my mouth in the direction of his face. I don't even care what bit of him I got, I'm still a mess of tension from earlier. I slowly made my way to his mouth, and he kissed me back just as desperately as he had in the kitchen of the bunker. I am so in with him tonight. Like seriously, something really bad would have to happen for me not to get laid tonight.

The ride was over way too early, the light from outside almost blinding me after the darkness of the ride. Cas jumped out of the cart first, and led the way out of the queue, and as soon as I could I grabbed hold of his waist, kissing his neck and walking with him, looking around at all the stuff to do.

'So did you wanna go on another ride? Find Sammy? What do you wanna do?' I asked after we covered about half of the fun fair. We're just walking, and that's fine, but we can do that anywhere. I wanna go on more rides, I want an excuse to touch him. Cas took a moment to answer, like he was editing in his head, and then he nodded over to a stand to the right.

'How about that?'

The stand was one of those pop-cork, knock-a-bottle-stack-for-a-prize games, the plywood covered in tacky-ass teddies. Does he think I'm game so long as there's a gun? I laughed at that idea. He's such a freaking angel.

'Want me to win you the big teddy?'

He frowned like he didn't understand, but why else would he have pointed it out, right? It would be totally Cas to want one. I went forward and paid for a round, lifting the gun up and taking aim. The first one barely moved a single bottle, and I know my aim was good. I looked at the carny, who was smoking something that definitely wasn't an ordinary cigarette. Is this damn thing rigged? I shot again, and saw the cork bounce off the bottles, and they still didn't shift.

'Is this damn game rigged?' I growled at the guy who was getting loaded right in front of me.

'Of course not. We carnies are honest folk.'

Yeah, I believe that shit. I shot my last cork, and still nothing moved.

'Hard luck, my friend.'

'Okay, listen up you skunk-riddled douchebag. We both know those bottles are glued together. So you're going to give me a goddamn prize.'

'Look, the rules of the game-'

I pulled out my fed badge, and flashed it at him.

'I may be off duty, but I will still bring you down. So what're we going to do, huh?'

The guy reached under the counter, and gave me a lopsided rabbit in a neon pink colour. Real fucking funny.

'I'll be watching you,' I threatened, and turned around to pass Cas his damn bunny. And then I blinked a couple of times, because in front of me … is he fucking making out with someone else? Some _girl_? We're on a freaking date! He's in love with me! Just what the hell, Cas?!

I walked off, heading to a nearby food stand that promised beer and carbs by the truckload. Leave him to it, he wants to make out with someone else? Fine. Like I couldn't pick up a chick in a minute.

'Hey Dean, where's Cas?'

Sam had just left the front of the queue, holding a bottle of water. He looked straight at the pink rabbit.

'Nice bunny, yours?'

'I won it for Cas. He's busy. Angel business. Do you wanna go?'

Sam nodded, and I followed him back to the car, trying not to be so pissed off. How could he just make out with some girl like I didn't matter? It's fucking ridiculous. I take it back, what I thought in the bunker. Cas and me are totally over.

Sam drove, and I sulked in the front seat. Sam didn't ask any questions, and I was grateful for that. I couldn't deal with a painful heart-to-heart. As soon as we got back to the bunker, I went to my room with the bunny, barely saying goodnight to Sam, and turning on the TV, grateful when Dr Sexy, MD came on. I had a minifridge that Sam doesn't know about under my bed, full of beer, and I pulled one out as I watched the show. Dr Sexy wouldn't fuck about with a nurse like this.

My beer didn't last long enough. I just wanted oblivion. I got under the covers, the show still on, and fell asleep to the sounds of Dr Sexy and nurse Piccolo, which wasn't as comforting as I would've liked.


	8. Date 1: In the bunker

**Sorry this has taken so long (well, two days?) since the Fifty First Dates update. Hope it's worthwhile! Its my longest chapter so far!**

* * *

I woke up feeling pissed. Pissed and sad. I couldn't place the feeling. But before I could dwell too much on my feelings like some woman, I noticed I was in the bunker. What the hell? Like, Sam and I just got rid of that djinn, and we went to sleep in our freaking motel. Did the djinn get to me? Am I hallucinating right now? Or did Sam have to save my sorry ass? I walked into the kitchen to grab some coffee and some donuts, and found him out in the meeting room, drinking his own coffee and eating a bowl of muesli.

'Hey Dean,' he nodded at me, as I sat down opposite him, cracking into my donut box. Mmmmm, powdered sugar. 'What day is it?'

'Tuesday. Sixth.'

Sam sighed.

'Try Sunday, eleventh. What's going on with you? I thought the carnival proved it. I thought you got that you were missing days.'

I stuffed my donut in my mouth, thinking. What carnival?

'What does Cas think? He must've noticed your memory issues.'

I chewed the donut furiously, swallowing hard.

'Why would Cas care?'

Sam squinted at me, like I was being the asshole.

'Did you fight? I mean, you won that thing for him but he bailed. Was it a fight?'

'You know what, Sammy? Too far.'

Has Sam worked out that I agreed to a date with Cas? And what's he even talking about?

'Dean, what's your problem?' Sam demanded, as Cas wondered in, looking like he's accidentally arrived in the room. I felt a jolt in my stomach, that had nothing to do with fighting with Sam. I didn't recognise it, at all. All I know is, it came when I saw Cas. I made myself focus on Sam, raising my voice instead of having to deal with whatever just happened then.

'Maybe, Sam, the problem is you, huh? You think on that?' I snapped. He didn't look impressed.

'Can I not just be concerned for you? Dean, it's been like, six days of the same thing!'

'How about you grow a pair?' I snarled, focusing on the whole concern shit, before turning around and heading for the record room. I called over my shoulder. 'I'm researching the hell out of djinn!'

I could hear Sam talking to Cas as I walked down the hallway. I couldn't make out the words, but I knew Sam was trying to get Cas on side to talk to me, like I was a freaking problem. I think the djinn got to both of us, somehow. Man, I hope we're not under its spell, still. That would blow. If that's the case, did it get Cas too? Or can he somehow save us? He can have all the dates he wants if he does.

Everything feels real though, unlike the last time I was caught by a djinn. I'm not fighting to see the visions of other victims. The door, the walls, they're all solid. There's nothing illogical, except maybe Sam's behaviour. I grabbed the first chunk of files I came across and sat at the desk, flipping through, looking for a reference for djinn. These records are even better than Bobby's collection. Although, I would never actually tell Bobby that. Hell, if he ever found this place, he'd bring a case of liquor in here and move in. He would have loved the record room.

I was starting to calm down, looking through the reports, when I sensed Cas hovering in the doorway. I knew it was Cas, not Sam because he stood there quietly, barely moving. Sam would slump across the doorframe, his big feet everywhere, and he would talk. Cas waits for me. Oh, and I felt that same jolt in my stomach and it makes no sense still, except that it's connected to Cas. I turned over a page, trying to play it cool, before I spoke. He better not be here as a favour to Sam.

'Cas, are you in or out?' I could feel him stepping closer, moving slowly, before he took the chair opposite me. He's staring at me again, and I really can't get into that when I'm trying to work. If I look up, he's going to end up on the table, the files be damned. And I can't even work out why I want to throw him there and then make out with him. Maybe it's all the talking about dating lately, he's got in my head. I need to focus. 'While you're here, you mind helping me? Sam's been acting strange, I think he got messed up by the djinn we killed yesterday. I need to find whatever records the Men of Letters have on djinn, so I can help him. Okay?'

Cas didn't grab a file and get down to it, like I thought he might. He sat there quietly for ages, and I managed to scan another couple of pages before he started talking.

'Dean? Can I talk to you about something?'

I grunted at him. I want to talk to him, of course I do, but if he's playing errand boy for Sam then shit's going to go down. He's my angel. Sam has to get his own. Cas decided I was being a dick but still said yes. That's pretty confident for him.

'I kissed Meg. Well, she kissed me, but I didn't exactly push her off. I'm sorry, Dean.'

Of all the things he could've said to me, that's probably way down on my list. I looked up, putting the file down, giving him my full attention. What's his point?

'Why're you sorry?'

'Well, because you and I- the whole dating thing-'

The whole dating thing as in we agreed to see if we'd work, dating? Are we exclusive or something? I mean, we haven't actually started yet, right? So why's he getting so worked up? I can see he's getting worked up, he's got that confused face on and his shoulders are all tensed up.

'Did you want to kiss her?'

'No, of course not! You know how I feel about you.'

Yeah, I know how he feels about me. I wish I could work out how I feel about him, because I didn't think I was bothered but now I just want to get him to relax. And then maybe screw him. I looked back at the file, and knew I had to get back on it. For Sammy.

'It's no big deal then, is it? It happened, it's over, we can move on. Can I concentrate now? We'll talk later.'

Cas stayed still for a few moments, and then his voice went as snarky as he could manage to make it.

'That's fine. I have things to do in Heaven. I'll see you later?'

I made an agreeing noise, and he left with that sound of wings, and I sat back in my chair, rubbing my face in my hands. Why did it suddenly feel like we were having a fight? I wasn't trying to fight him, I was trying to fight myself. I don't care if he banged Meg, so long as he didn't do it on a date or something. And since we haven't done that yet, what's the big deal? Has he worked himself up over it? Did that bitch say something to him? Once I'm done hunting through this stuff, I'll call him back and make it up with him. We'll talk properly.

* * *

It took hours and hours of research, of Sam coming up to me every couple of hours with beer or pie or a burger to try and bribe me into talking to him. I stayed stuck in the files, pretending he wasn't talking.

The burger was pretty good. The pie was better. That doesn't mean Sam and I are okay. It just means I won't waste good food.

I was tired of looking through the files, none of which seemed to even know what a djinn was. I could picture Bobby being pissed off that there's so much in the room and nothing on the monster we're looking at. Hell, even I'm pissed off about that. But mainly, I need to give my brain a break. I need a shower, and I need to clear things up with Cas. So I prayed as I headed into the bathroom, hoping that Sam couldn't overhear me.

'Cas? I know you're busy, but I'd really like to see you. When you can make it, you know? I'm going for a shower now, but I'll wait up for you after that. It's been weird, not having you around today.'

I waited for a second, in case Cas showed up in the bathroom. But he didn't, and I can't tell if I felt relieved or not. He's not here, invisible, waiting for me to strip naked, is he? I mean, I don't have a problem getting naked with him, I just don't want him invisible while it happens.

I got in the shower, feeling the force of the water working at my muscles, which kinda ached after being hunched over the table all day, reading. I need to stretch them somehow. Maybe, if Cas isn't totally pissed off with me, he'll help out with that.

Padding down the hall, after the shower, I could hear Sam in his own room, clicking away at the keys on his laptop. God knows what he's doing on there. I got into my room, and flopped down on the bed, flipping over to look up at the ceiling, and saw Cas standing awkwardly in the corner, staring at my towel. He's such a pervert, for an angel. Still, it's a good sign, he might be willing to help stretch my muscles. I'll bring it up slowly.

'Hey, you came pretty quickly.' I grinned at him.

'Well, you asked me to.'

I nodded, because that was true, but there's something still off with him. I tried to pretend not to notice. If I know Cas like I think I do, if I act like I haven't noticed, he'll forget it soon enough.

'I know, but I know you were busy. Hey, shut the door, make yourself comfortable.'

What I wanted to tell him was to shut the door, strip off, and come lay with me. Then I'd work on both of our moods. He flicked his fingers and the door swung shut, and he carried on staring at me from his corner. I tied the towel tighter around my waist, and gestured for him to come over. He still just stood there. Its like he's trying to be a dick. In the end, I had to tell him what the hell I meant, which was awkward for me. Why can't I just show him?

'Cas, get on the bed with me.'

He looked a little nauseous for a moment, but then he started taking off his clothes. I'm glad he got that message. He was awkward as he took his coat off, and his jacket, and I could see him fumbling over the belt buckle, but that didn't matter to me. I could feel that pull in my stomach, but it was making me smile instead of freaking me out. He is so adorably Cas. He stopped at his underwear which were scary white considering the guy never changes his clothes, and then he climbed onto the bed, moving slowly, stopping short of touching me, and lay down next to me. That wasn't quite what I meant, and I know he knows that, because why else would he take his clothes off? I waited for him to say something, to roll over on top of me, to reach out and touch my hand. Something. But he seemed happy to just be there.

'This is awkward,' I told the ceiling. If I look at him, it'll be weirder.

'You wanted me to join you on your bed, I have done.'

I laughed. God, why does he always have to be so damn literal?

'That's not what I meant, Cas. Come here.'

I reached over until I found him, tracing my fingers along until I found his wrist, and pulled at it, hoping he'd understand that I want the contact. He's skinny, and soft, and nothing like what I thought an angel would be like. He rolled so he was half on my chest, half on the bed, leaning up over me, his eyes bulging like he couldn't believe we were in this position. We've barely even started. I ran my hand back up his arm, and he started stroking his fingers along my face. He's like a kid discovering something new and exciting, the way he's eager to touch me but holding back in case I break at the same time. He watched what he was doing, like he was memorising me, and I watched him, watched that look of wonder and curiosity on his face. I've never been like this with anyone before. Normally if we're on the bed, I'm halfway into their underwear already. Somehow, that doesn't totally feel right with Cas.

'That feels nice,' I told him, closing my eyes and letting his fingers relax me. He started touching other parts of my face, moving from my cheek to touch everywhere. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his cool fingers stroking gently over my skin. Whatever this is, I'm pretty happy with it right now. I carried on running my hand up his arm, grazing along his neck, and rubbed my fingers around his ear. And then I opened my eyes, because I want to see his face when he smiles about this. I wanna know I'm making him happy. But he froze like he'd been caught doing something wrong and moved his hand away from my face, tucking it by my side instead, nearly in my armpit. I brushed my thumb down his cheek in a pathetic echo of what he'd just done to me. I think I hurt his feelings earlier.

'I wasn't trying to blow you off earlier, Cas.'

'Okay.' He answered too quickly, like it had got to him but he didn't want me to know. I feel like shit, knowing I made him feel like this.

'Hey, don't be mad,' I started scratching at his head. I love when people do that to me. He looked pissed off for about three seconds, and then he closed his eyes and pushed into my fingers. Yeah, I knew it wasn't just me who liked that. 'I'm going to make it up to you now, okay?'

'How're you going to do that?' He whispered. God, he sounds hot like that. I'm going to scratch his head more often. I laughed a little before I answered.

'Think I already am,' I dropped my voice, trying to compete with him. He nodded slowly, still pushing against my nails. Its like playing with an animal, doing this to Cas. He looks so blissed out. 'Is this what you wanted, Cas? When you asked me out?'

It's what I wanted. Just him, and me, and my bed, and time standing still like it feels it is right now.

'What do you mean?' he sounded almost drugged when he spoke. And his voice had gone deeper, and it was kinda turning me on. I can't work out if he's doing it on purpose or not.

'This, you and me, in our own little world. Is it what you wanted?'

'I don't know, Dean. I just wanted you.'

'I prefer this, you know. Just us.'

I'm doing pillow talk with Cas. I haven't done that with anyone since Lisa. And it feels better than it did with Lisa. Cas and me, we don't have secrets. Not really. I never stood a chance against the guy, did I? The second he started trying to talk about 'human mating rituals' I should've known we'd end up in bed together, wrapped around one another, not having sex. I think I did know, deep down. That's why I fought against it, at least a little. It feels right, doing this with Cas. I just have to know what he's really expecting from me.

'What were you after, Cas?' He opened his eyes, looking dopey from the head scratch. 'Be honest.'

'I don't know, Dean-'

'Please, Cas. Tell me.'

He looked down at me for ages, like he was debating how much he could even reveal. I know how he feels about me, I know that this isn't a temporary thing for him, but I don't know the details. Does he want sex? Does he want more of this? How much is he willing to compromise?

'I wanted more than just one date.'

'I know.' It felt like there was something in my throat. He must have heard the change, because he just started talking, and his eyes lit up and he was smiling and I could tell he was picturing everything he was telling me.

'I like all the dates you've been talking about, they sound nice, and completely human experiences. But I want to do more than those, I want to travel across the world with you, and show you everything that humans have achieved, everything my Father made to be admired. I want to take you to the coral reefs in Australia, the barren plains of Russia, the peak of Mount Everest. I want to show you things no other human has seen, like the bottom of the ocean and the view from Mars. I want to take you back to the Mayans, the Egyptians, when Columbus discovered America, or take you forward to see what could possibly come for your species in the future. I guess I just want to show you everything I love.'

He wants commitment, doesn't he? But more than that, I could start seeing it, Cas zapping us into a jungle and pointing out the snakes that lived there, or climbing the Great Wall in China, him clinging onto my hand with the excitement of seeing my reaction. And I didn't hate it. I didn't miss it either, what he was saying at the end. Sharing things he loves with the person he loves. I don't think I deserve that.

'Cas,' I stopped scratching his head, holding his chin instead, making sure I had his full attention. I want him to be clear on what I'm saying. 'Maybe we could work something out.'

I think I broke his brain. His gaze was unfocused and he gave this little gasp. I was about to start explaining what I meant, the best way I could, when my door swung open and Sam walked in, talking. Doesn't he knock?

'Are you going to sulk all day, Dean or can we-JESUS!' He looked between me at Cas, standing near the foot of the bed. Well, guess that's the cat out of the bag, he knows Cas and me are fooling around. He has shitty timing too. I can't let him in on what Cas and me were talking about. That's between the two of us.

'No, it's Cas. Is Jesus a compliment?' I grinned at Cas, but the happy look on his face had been replaced by that blank expression he gets when he closes off. Sam walking in changed his mood completely. I need to get rid of Sam and get back to how Cas and me were.

'Jesus was a man, not an angel.' Cas sulked, and looked away from me. I'll take that as a no. I turned to the cockblocker.

'Can you go now?'

'Yeah, I need to go burn my eyes out now. Maybe put a bullet in my brain. Because Dean? Your towel isn't covering a thing.'

Like Sam's never seen me naked. Occupational hazard of life on the road. He walked out, and I saw Cas's head bob down, like he was scoping out the towel. I laughed, because he must have thought I couldn't see him do it.

'Are you trying to get in on the show?'

'No, I just,' he finally looked at me again, and his expression relaxed. He knows I'm teasing him. It's his show. 'I didn't think Sam was correct. And he's not, you're covered.'

'Do you want me to be covered?'

I'm so not bothered about my towel. I'm dry, I don't need it. But Cas seemed really wired up about it. Hasn't he seen another person naked before? I mean, I know he's a virgin, unless he's fooled around with someone in the last few years and he hasn't told me. Still, wouldn't he have seen someone naked? Like that Daphne chick?

'I don't know, Dean.' He whispered eventually. He's withdrawn still.

'Hey, Sam's not going to come in again, quit worrying.'

'I'm not." He looked back at me like that would convince me.

'Yeah, you are. I know you, Cas. Talk to me.'

'I'm not worried about Sam.'

He sounds sulky. But I now know how to get him to blab, so I started scratching his head again, holding his chin still so he can't escape it. His eyes fluttered for a moment, and I knew I'd won.

'What're you worried about?' I whispered, rolling towards him like we needed extra privacy so he could confess what was on his mind. It seemed to work, but then I knew it probably would.

'It's just … I've fallen for you in so many ways, Dean,' I winced. He's not going to say he loves me or something stupid, is he? I mean, we're close, and we've been talking about dating for forever, but the first time we're like this? That's too soon for me. 'And Heaven has always taken me back, which is more than any other rebellious angel has ever been granted. I'm worried that if we continue like this, I won't be taken back again. I'll be in a worse position than Lucifer.'

Oh. _Oh_. He means fallen as in, fell from Heaven, fell from grace, whatever. I know that place is important to him, even if its full of dicks. It's his home. I can respect that. But I don't think it makes any difference, if stuff happens between us. It doesn't bother the other angels. Anna didn't hesitate to sleep with me. Its stuff like this that makes Cas one of the better angels. He's actually got a damn conscience. He started stroking my forehead while I processed what he'd said.

'The other angels are dicks,' I told him. 'It's not between you and them, Cas. It's between you and me.'

He frowned, probably because I said his brothers and sisters are dicks. Hey, its the truth. But Cas won't see it that way.

'I think it's between myself and my father, Dean. If he were here still, I would ask his consent to be with you.'

He's so old-fashioned and naive. It's cute.

'Think that's my job. Do you want to?'

'Do I want to?' He sounds confused. Are we not talking about getting it together?

'Yeah.'

'Do I want to what?' He started running his hands through my hair. Do I really have to spell everything out for him? He's going to freak out.

'Have sex with me.'

He stopped with my hair, and stared at me instead, and I had to explain it to the guy.

'I mean, if you could guarantee you'd still be an angel, still be allowed in Heaven, none of that stuff even mattered. Would you want to sleep with me?'

His eyes bugged out as he mouthed a yes at me. Glad it's mutual.

'Good. Because I want to fuck your brains out.'

He looks like he's frozen, like he didn't expect me to say that. But come on, Cas, you're doing all the talky, touchy-feely crap, and I just want to get on with the touchy crap. Its how I show how I feel, you know? I ran my hands over his chest and stomach and back, over and over, and he shivered. I love that I made that happen. I want to see what he'll do with sex talk, whether I could loosen him up and get him to see that the other angels mean fuck all. Whatever's growing between us is way more important.

'I want to strip you down, until you're naked in front of me. I want to kiss you all over, touching you wherever I can, feeling you react to everything. I want you to go down on me, licking and sucking like the only thing you ever needed was my dick, but before you get me off, I spin you around and slam into your ass like sex began with us. And I don't want to stop, Cas.'

If Cas' eyes bug out any more, they're going to fall out completely. His mouth has dropped open and I really want to reach up and kiss him hard, but there's not that kind of mood. Even with the stuff I was saying to him, it's too mushy. He finally spoke, his voice low, because I'm not already gagging for it enough.

'I want to give you that experience, Dean.'

Does he mean that? He seems pretty sincere about it. So what do we do now? He's serious about the way he feels about Heaven, and I really need to do something with him, something physical. More than this. I dragged my fingers back down his stomach, finding his underwear and pushing them down slowly, making sure at least my fingertips were touching him. I want him turned on too, I want him willing to fuck me. I could feel him suck in his breath as I missed his dick and ran my fingers down his legs as far as I could. He hadn't said a word since I started, but I could hear his breath shaking, could feel him warming up on my chest. I think it's working, but I need more leverage, so I pushed him back onto the bed as I sat up, shifting so I could carry on slowly taking his boxers off. They're bright white, like detergent commercial white, even though I know the guy only has this pair of underpants. My towel untucked as I went, and I let it fall away, my fingers skimming the material away from his knees now, and I forced myself not to look away from his eyes until he was fully naked, and I could give him all my attention. I know I have to take my time with him.

I finally pulled his boxers off completely, dumping them on my bedroom floor, eyes flickering along his body as I sat up. He's so thin, I can see his hip bones sticking up, his stomach dipping down between them. And when I finally, finally let myself look at him, I felt a little disappointed. Cas is … well, he's pretty big. Bigger than me. It's the worst time to get dick envy, but I got it anyway. I had to pep-talk myself quickly. Like, _Cas is your boyfriend now, you get all the fun of his dick, this is a good thing. And you're talented, so he's not going to give a shit that you're smaller. You can work magic. And he'll be so thrilled it's you that size isn't going to matter to him. Get the fuck over it_.

'Dean,' he groaned, like I was touching him, instead of just looking. I haven't totally forgotten where he stands on all of this. My mental images of us will have to be enough for now. In the mean time, I'm going to have fun with him wherever I can get it. While, you know, respecting him and shit.

'We won't do anything, Cas. I get it. But I can still appreciate your body, can't I?'

'It's just a vessel.' He sounds upset, like he wasn't good enough for me somehow. We both need to snap out of it.

'Not to me, it isn't. It's all Cas, to me.'

I crawled back up the bed, looking into his eyes again as I laid down on him, not worrying about being too heavy for him. He can handle it. He twisted his legs up with mine, our dicks rubbing together as he did. I was getting hard, and desperate for some kind of physical contact. This isn't enough for me. I'm only holding back because I know it's too much for him. I wanna respect him, as much as I can.

'I'm trying real hard not to fool around with you, you know.' I confessed.

'So am I, Dean,' he whispered back, his lips bumping against my mouth. I'm pretty sure if he keeps that up, I'll come without him having to touch me. I want him to keep it up. 'Who are we trying that for?'

Did I hear him right?

'Well, you said your-'

'Please Dean, please touch me.'

I bit my lip, and he groaned against my mouth. I don't have enough will power to say no to him, but he's going to regret asking me that, I know he is. Not that he'd regret sleeping with me, but he wouldn't think it was worth it after everything he said. He carried on begging me, his tone desperate. How am I meant to do the right thing, here? I know I started this, but I wasn't really thinking beyond making him feel good.

'Please, please Dean,' he kissed me, his breath heating my face. 'Do we have lube?'

Did I hear him right? Lube? How the hell did he know about that?

'No babe. We don't,' I pulled my head back, out of the reach of his mouth, before I lost it completely. I have to think fast. 'Okay Cas, okay, here's what we do.' I pulled at my hair, trying to think. I don't want to do anything he'll regret. I want him to feel good. I wanna get off, but I don't think he'll know what the hell to do. I have to move carefully, and not let my dick take control. I'll do something for him. 'We're not going to sleep together tonight, it's too soon. We haven't even had that date you wanted, not really. And like you pointed out, no lube. But I will do one thing for you. Okay?'

He nodded, breathing like we were fucking already. I kissed him the way I'd been wanting to since I'd prayed to him, and he reacted with an enthusiasm which only made me more turned on. I made myself concentrate, made myself hold back, even as I started moving against him, feeling his dick stiffen. I left his mouth, kissing slowly down his neck, his chest, his stomach, massaging his skin with my hands as I went. He made these gasping noises, like he couldn't get enough breath, moaning every now and again. Hearing him nearly made me lose it, and I forced myself to keep going, to keep making this about him.

My fingers hit his nipple, and he groaned louder. I latched on to the other one, teasing at it, nibbling it, feeling his body jump around under mine as I sucked at it. He was sticking right into me, feeling even bigger than what I saw earlier. I think I'm going to blow just on his reactions. I started kissing down his body again, and he managed to whisper in between the gasps and moans.

'What are you going to do to me, Dean?'

How did he manage to make that sound hot?

'What I said I wanted you to do to me.'

He did nothing for a moment, then put his hands on the top of my head, pushing me down already, shifting his legs so they weren't wrapped around mine, but were squeezing around my chest instead. Maybe he would know what he's doing? I let him push me towards his dick, hardly able to resist anymore anyway. He's huge, there's no way I'm going to be able to fit all of him in. I kissed slowly along the entire length, and he dug his heels into my sides, pinning me there, as if I'd want to be anywhere else. His groans are louder, less controlled, and I know we can probably be heard halfway across the bunker but I don't care. I made Cas do that. I licked along him, feeling like it would never end, and when I did eventually get to the tip, I swirled my tongue around it, loving the way he spasmed under me, digging his heels in further. Since when was giving head as good as getting it? I started working down him, trying to get as much of him in me as I could, and he bucked up into my mouth, easily getting into a good rhythm. I really am magic, because this is so damn easy, turning him on. And he tastes like something else, sweeter than I thought he might. Pie doesn't even taste this good. Almost.

I got lost in what I was doing, in the way he was responding, my only thought was working him the right way to get him down my throat. He must have been touching my tonsils when he blew, and he stopped moving. I stopped moving, letting him empty straight down my throat, feeling smug that I made that happen.

'Dean?' His voice was slurred, and the smug feeling got bigger. He sounds totally undone. I slowly pulled myself off him, trying not to gag on the way off, getting a little spunk in my mouth too. It tasted better than his dick. I savoured it for a second, then swallowed, before I looked back up at him. His eyes were glazed, unfocused. He looks damn sexy like that. I wanna do that more often. I crawled back up to him, kissing his shoulder, stroking his arm, letting him know I give a shit, it's not all about sex.

'Was that okay?' His voice is still dopey. I don't know why he's asking, it should be me. He curled up into me, and I kissed his shoulder again before answering.

'Mmm, yeah. How was it for you?'

'An experience.' I laughed,my mouth pressed against his skin. I would've expected something else from him, like how perfect it was or something.

'A good one, I hope.'

'Better.'

He kissed my forehead, and I felt it then, what we were becoming, in just a day. This is a permanent thing, isn't it? We're too close for it to be anything but intense. And he knew that, he knew how it would go between us. I looked up, and he was smiling down at me, looking totally sated. I kissed him again, mouths pressed together gently, and I hoped he took the right message from that, because there was no way in hell I could say anything like it out loud. But yes, Cas. You won. I'm completely, totally yours. And I'm probably going to drag you down to hell with me. And I'm not even sorry.


	9. Date 1: Dean has needs

**Okay, so I'm doing this a little differently this time. I haven't finished Cas' chapter, but I have finished Deans. Cas' will be up in a couple of days (hopefully!) but I'm going to be throwing a lot more in there than I have in Deans. This chapter is already nearly 6k, and Cas has 3k before any of Dean's stuff, so … yeah, it's going to be a big one, and I love so much of what I've done already, I just have to finish it! But I wanted to put this one up now because I feel bad I haven't uploaded anything in over a week! That's not like me! This pair of chapters has taken me a lot of time and frustration! Lots of thanks to GrammarDemon for editing like a pro and giving me really bad images of Dean and Cas roleplaying hunters in the bedroom! And to Cliophilyra on AO3 who also tried to help me through a total block on this one. I'll shut up and let you read ;)**

* * *

I woke up feeling completely disoriented. Like something big was missing. Maybe it was the dream I was just having, which must have come about because of the conversations Cas and me have been having lately.

I dreamed that I was in bed with Cas. That we were acting like a real couple, touching each other and Cas making plans for us to go to Tibet or something. And then I sucked his dick, and in the dream I liked it. I also have morning wood right now, so I think that's got something to do with it.

It feels like I should've woken up with him, that he should've been in my bed, underneath me. I feel like an ass, wanting him in my bed when we only just agreed to go out. And anyway, just because we were in my bed, in the bunker in the dream, and I woke up in my bed in the bunker, it doesn't mean we were actually fooling around. Besides, why would I suck his dick? It makes more sense for him to go nuts on mine. But the way the dream went, the way he reacted … I was getting worked up, which didn't help the morning wood situation. I slipped my hands down, grabbing a hold of myself and moving quickly, and closed my eyes, trying to picture someone from Busty Asian Beauties but only getting Cas from my dream, naked and wide-eyed. I stopped trying to fight it, and just accepted that my head was on Cas, and I was going to stay there until I got some release. I came pretty quickly, covering myself and the bed, and feeling grossed out with myself. What was wrong with me? Would I be a little bitch when I see Cas next? I crawled out of bed and headed straight for the shower, taking way too long in there, and trying to blank the image of his face while I washed myself.

I headed for the kitchen and grabbed some cereal, taking it into the meeting room to eat, trying to take my mind of a certain angel. I need to find something that'll keep me busy, like going through some more of the relic boxes, and working out what the Men of Letters were doing with them. Sam came breezing in from outside as I was drinking the left over milk straight from the bowl.

'Dude, manners,' Sam smirked, slouching in the chair opposite me. 'How're you feeling?'

I shrugged. Was I sick?

'Fine. You?'

'Yeah, I'm good. What day is it today?'

I rolled my eyes. I don't get what mood Sammy's in. His phone beeped and he checked it, smiling, and tapping away at the screen. Guess I've been forgotten.

'Who's that?'

'I don't wanna tell you.'

What?

'Come on, man, we're brothers, we tell each other way too much. She some chick?'

Sam sighed, but caved.

'Fine. I joined a dating site a couple of days ago. I started talking to this one girl, Rebecca? She seems okay. She just emailed me, that's all. So what day is it?'

'Tuesday.' I said slowly. What's up with him?

'Yeah, it's Tuesday, Tuesday th-' he cut himself off as his phone beeped again. He scanned the message, and laughed, typing back furiously. Geez, the guy's already whipped. I grabbed my bowl, heading back for the kitchen to wash up. 'Oh, Cas went out early this morning, by the way. Said he had some angel stuff to do. I'm going to try and look for a case, you in?'

I shrugged.

'I was going to go through some more Men of Letter's stuff, but if you find anything, let me know, right?'

Sam nodded, his eyes on his phone as it pinged again. Instead of replying straight away, he pulled his laptop to him and switched it on. Yeah, he's going to look for a case. Sure. He's not going to spend the day flirting with Rebecca at all.

It was when I was washing up the breakfast stuff - including Sam's, the lazy asshole - that I realised what he'd said. About Cas. Cas went out early this morning, so he was hanging around the bunker last night. Did he hear my dream? Dude would watch me when I sleep, I didn't talk out loud or anything, did I? I mean, it wasn't me chasing him off, was it? There's a legit reason why he'd say he was doing something vaguely angelic to Sam, right?

And there it was again, the image of Cas underneath me, his legs wrapped around me, squeezing me tight as I worked him over, concentrating on his dick. It feels so real. If I keep this up, I'm going to have to make it a reality just to try and get the damn thought out of my head. I don't know how he'd feel about a blowjob, but maybe I could spin it right?

Okay, yeah, I need a reality check. Relics. That's what I need to do, I need to go through the relics. I walked back into the room, where Sam's fingers are flying over his keyboard. Whoever this Rebecca is, he's got it bad.

'Hey, so question,' he started as soon as his fingers stopped tapping on the keys. 'You and Cas, is it serious?'

I looked up from the box I'd hauled out, ready to go through.

'Me and Cas?' My mind is still on the blowjob dream.

'Yeah, you and Cas.' Sam frowned at me, and ignored the moment his computer bleeped with Rebecca's message. 'Dean, you don't have to be ashamed.'

He's blushing, and I can feel my own face getting hot. I don't want to talk about Cas right now.

'I'm not ashamed.' I grunted, and pulled a small wooden box out of the carton, trying to remember what the symbols meant that were scratched into it, whether it would be safe to open it.

'Well, good. He's pretty crazy about you, and he's the best angel to have onside. So, are you having sex yet?'

I practically dropped the box back in amongst the other stuff, and looked up at him, my face definitely burning this time. Since when does Sam ask questions like that? Since when does he think I'd share? And after my dream last night … no, this is too damn much.

'Shut up,' I told him, my voice tight. I went back to the box, this time pulling out an old coin strung onto a necklace. He didn't answer, and suddenly there was the sound of wings rustling in the room. I didn't look up. God, it's going to be Cas, and I'm going to have to look him in the eyes and he'll see exactly what I dreamed we were doing. And I'll want to do it, whether Sam is in here or not.

'Hey Cas. We were just talking about you,' I could hear Sam's smile. He's such a bitch.

'Oh.'

That's all Cas said back. A moment later, I could hear the keyboard clicking again as Sam talked to Rebecca some more, and Cas had moved closer to me. I cleared my throat, and tried not to be completely affected by him.

'Hey Cas.' I put the coin necklace aside nonchalantly, and grabbed up the box again, trying again to decipher the symbols. Anything to avoid his eye contact, because his standing so close to me is having a major effect on me. I wanna drop the relics and press him up against this table. I rubbed my neck nervously while I put the relic box back gently. If those symbols are a curse, I'm not taking any risks. But I can't fight this feeling much longer. I've got to do _something_ with Cas.

I looked up, and he gave me that dopey smile, and I made myself not to grab him and force myself on him. But that meant we were just stood there, staring at each other for ages instead, his mouth curling into a small smile as he looked at me.

'Hello, Dean.'

He's playing dirty, somehow. It's like he can see the thoughts in my head, and he's encouraging them, trying to get me going just from a look. I need to do something, to get out of here, or at least away from Sam.

'Wanna go out?' I blurted. Sam's tapping stopped for a moment, and then sped up, like he suddenly had a thousand things he had to tell Rebecca. Cas looked over when I did, at my brother, and I was glad of the break from his intensity, because it was making me feel like I couldn't talk. Without Cas to distract me, I managed to blurt out at my brother, 'Sam, you'd better not be gossiping with her.'

Sam smirked as he shook his head, and I knew he was lying. Cas stroked his hand down my arm, until he wound our fingers together. It feels familiar, and welcome, like Cas was always meant to hold my hand. He distracted me from Sam well enough.

'I'd love to go somewhere, Dean. Where were you thinking?'

I was thinking my bed, but that's not fair on Cas. He wanted the whole dating experience. I'm just going to have to hold back.

'I don't know, maybe the pictures or something? See what movies they're showing?'

He looked back at me blankly, and somehow even that was a turn on.

'Think of it as a human experience, Cas.' I tried to keep it light, no hints that I want to throw him on my bed and screw him senseless.

'Yeah, that's not the only human experience my brother wants to give you,' Sam sniggered from his computer. I pulled Cas out to the garage with me before I could do something I might regret. Like hit my brother. Cas came along willingly, keeping pace with me, and not looking at all surprised when I pushed him up against the Impala and pressed myself against him. I have no self-control. He looked back at me seriously, and slid his arms around my waist.

'If you don't want to go, that's fine Dean,' he spoke quietly, in case Sam was listening, I guess.

'I want to go,' I insisted. And made myself back off, coughing to clear my throat again. 'Get in.' I walked around to the driver's door, and climbed in, hoping I didn't look like a total asshole. There was something about his body, pressed against mine … and that dream appeared in my mind again, hot and vivid and not helpful when the guy is right next to me in our car, which suddenly feels way too cramped, like he's taking up extra space somehow. I guess normally, he is the size of the Chrysler building, apparently. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to get a hold of myself. I opened my eyes again and focused on driving out of the garage, onto the road and into town, instead of the angel beside me.

He was quiet throughout the drive, and even when I parked up he didn't say much, and that made it easier to go without groping the guy. I have to at least give him the date before I get what I want, right? But I still tried not to touch him as we walked into the movie theatre, because the second I do is the second I'll wanna find a dark corner with him. He's standing pretty close as it is, while I look up on the board and try and pick a movie. I stole a quick glance at him, and he was staring up as well, like he knew what any of those movies were about. He noticed me looking at him and turned to face me, frowning a little before his expression relaxed into the old, dopey smile.

'So, what happens?' Cas asked, and God, if my chest didn't feel tight about that. His innocence and lack of awareness does something to me. I'm so putting on some moves when we go sit down. 'You know, I have some movies at home.'

'We're here now. What about Gut Slasher Five? It's a sequel, so it's going to be extra tacky.'

And it being a gore movie means Cas won't want to watch much. Which is a great in for making out. When I looked at Cas, his expression told me he didn't have a clue what I meant, or anything about the options. I'm glad about that, because there's a Disney film out that I think he'd totally dig if he knew anything about it. One of those Princess ones. He'd be insufferable.

I dragged him over to the ticket office, and paid for both of us, getting seats as far back as I can. And then I dragged him to the concessions stand.

'You wanna share a popcorn?'

'I don't eat, Dean.'

Well, I've been counting on him to eat my dick, so that's going to change.

'Fine,' I shrugged, and bought one anyway, just so I had something to do with my hands, until he was curled up in my lap hating the action on screen anyway. We walked into the theatre, and I found our seats near some frat boys. They looked at us like they wanted to give us crap, but when they saw Cas' expression, they turned to the front and watched the trailers instead as we took our seats. We'd better not get any shit if we do start making out.

The movie started pretty quickly, with some really bad acting. Like, worse than Sam and me when we ended up in that weird alternate reality, thanks to Balthazar. I slid my arm across Cas' shoulders, and stopped concentrating on the movie. That image is really strong in my head again. Maybe I should've taken him up on his offer, and we could've watched whatever musical he would've picked out while he blew me?

He was somehow managing to concentrate of the movie, sitting forward and reacting to everything, and all I could do was watch him. Who knew an angel would love gratuitous violence? But not making out in the darkened theatre is getting to me. I really, really need him right now. Like, unstoppable urge to just bone him right here in front of a hundred locals. I leaned closer as some screaming girl got cut in half.

'When we get home, I'm going to give it to you so bad.' I murmured. He barely looked around.

'Please say you're not talking about killing me.'

'Of course not, Cas. I'm horny.'

I saw him smile in the glow of the screen.

'So you picked this film just to engage in amorous activity?'

'Duh, Cas.'

He turned his head slightly, still smiling.

'It won't be long. Enjoy the film.'

And then he got engrossed again, and I went back to staring at him, fighting the urge to just fuck him. This movie is going to be too damn long. The only other acknowledgement he gave me the entire movie, until the credits rolled was when he took my hand, squeezing it every now and again.

As soon as the first name came up on the otherwise blank screen, I was out of there, pulling him along with me, ignoring the frat boys. I marched him outside, and pressed him up against the brick wall, my body flush against his.

'You're driving me crazy,' I whispered to him, and kissed him hard. He laughed into my mouth, kissing me back, and I felt his hands curl around my neck as he pressed closer. It wasn't enough. I definitely needed to get him back to the bunker and naked, as soon as possible. I let go of him and stood back, breathing heavily.

'Let's go home.'

He didn't argue, and I guess he knew what I was implying. I practically ran back to the car, and dived into the driver's seat, starting it up as he climbed in too. I know I sped home, and parked really badly in the garage. And then we were out of the car, and I was all over him, kissing at his neck, his nose, his chin, anywhere I could reach. This has been a whole day of just wanting him, and it's something I'm not used to, but something I don't want to stop. He started trying to talk throughout the assault, fighting to be heard through my onslaught.

'I bought some stuff for us,' Cas whispered, nuzzling his head close to mine. I have no idea what he meant, and it was far more important that I got inside his pants at that point in time. He forced me away, using a strength that could only come with his grace since he's so wiry, and he looked at me seriously. 'I'll be a moment, Dean. Meet me in your room?'

His voice had gone husky, and it went straight to my dick. But he didn't even wait to see what effect he had on me, he disappeared instead. Dammit, when did he become such a tease? I hurried to my room, only stopping by Sam's door, where he's still on his laptop, talking to Rebecca, and swigging from a bottle of beer.

'Hey Sam,' I greeted him. He looked up.

'How was the movie?'

'Good. Hey, um, don't come in my room tonight, for anything.'

He raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything, and I moved my ass into my room, where Cas was already cross-legged on the bed, a couple of brown bags beside him, his trench coat and suit jacket off and his sleeves rolled up. He smiled at me when I walked in the room, and I kicked the door shut quickly before I dived at him on the bed. He laughed, letting me kiss all over his face before he pushed at my chest, making me look at him.

'Can I show you what I got us?' He's doing that sexy voice again.

'Can't it wait? I've got needs, Cas.'

'Please, Dean, it'll just take a minute. You won't regret it.'

'My dick says otherwise.'

He grinned, and pushed me up until I was sitting facing him, giving me one small kiss before putting a hand in one of the bags.

'I hope you don't mind, but I went to Amsterdam earlier,' he grinned when he saw me react. Amsterdam? What the hell has he been up to? 'And I know it's early in our relationship, but when I told the assistant about us she had a lot of recommendations for things we'd need. And I know you like sex, so I thought you'd be okay with her suggestions. I mean, we don't have to use anything, but I thought maybe … I don't know.'

He thought maybe what? He's not going to let me in on what he was thinking, because he's bringing the first thing out of the bag. I don't even know what it was, it was like a mess of leather and studs, which he began trying to separate out, concentrating on avoiding damage. It looks like the stuff people use when they're into kinky stuff. Like some kind of outfit-that's-not-an-outfit. Does he want me to wear it? And what the hell else does he have in his bags? I stuck my hand in the other bag, and found my fingers sinking through a ton of condoms. At least he's prepared. I dug out the first thing I could find that wasn't a Trojan, and pulled it from the bag. Cas watched me.

'I don't know what that is, but it makes a strange noise and made my fingers tingle when I pressed this button,' he leaned over and clicked it on, and the damn thing started vibrating violently in my hand.

'Cas? Is this a cock ring?' my voice sounded choked. He shrugged.

'I don't know, what do you do with a cock ring?'

Oh, geez. So he thought to go to Amsterdam which is notorious for its sexual liberation, and he thought to ask for some stuff to get us going, but didn't ask what it was or how to use it? That is so Cas.

'I'll show you later, I guess.' I clicked it off and put it aside as he pulled out a little perspex box that I have no idea how to use, and a whip. A freaking whip. One that ends in about a thousand little shoots. 'Cas?'

'She said it was a cat of nine tails, but there seems to be far more than nine. And they're not tails, much less from cats.'

'You want to whip me?'

I'm not sure how I feel about this. It feels like an echo from Hell. He noticed my tone, and put it back in the bag.

'No Dean, I don't want to punish you.'

'Then why buy S-and-M stuff?'

Cas frowned, and looked back in the bag, at the whip.

'Is that what I did? The assistant didn't really say anything like that.' Its quiet between us for a moment, and I started running my hand through the sea of condoms in my bag, just for something to do.

'What exactly did you say to each other?'

'I told her you were experienced and I was not, and that our relationship was new. And she asked a few questions I didn't understand. Something about top and bottom, and switching?'

He looks really worried, like he'd done something wrong.

'We'll work it out as we go, Cas. Did you get anything else?' I shifted around on the bed, so I could lean against him, practically in his lap. He wound an arm around me, and I felt him kiss me just above my ear, and then he reached back into his bag, and pulled out a dildo. An actual freaking dildo.

'I don't know why she wanted us to have a rubber penis, when we both have a real one, but apparently it's worthwhile to have.' He told me as I held out my hand, and he dropped it in to my waiting palm. It was cool to touch, and slightly greasy, like it had been sold coated in lube. He was burying back into his bags again, and I started trying to put it in his mouth, just to see what he would do. He swatted me away, still going through the bag, and I decided it was my mission to see Cas with this dildo in his mouth, as echoes of my dream started up again. I shifted my legs as a shot of desire surged through my body, at the idea of Cas's mouth wrapped around it. He opened his mouth to complain and I got it in, twisting slightly in his lap to push it in and pull it out slowly. And the fucker slapped a pair of handcuffs covered in pink sparkly fluff on me, moving quicker than I could have anticipated and pinning my now-cuffed hands above my head with one hand. And then he slowly pulled the dildo out of his mouth, his eyes locked on mine, and he smirked before putting it into my mouth.

'Do you really want to power play with an angel?' He growled at me. Fuck, he really is into the kinky stuff, isn't he? I mean, he must know I can hold my own against angel kind, he's seen me in action. This is totally an alpha male play. And I can't even answer him back because there's a damn dildo in my mouth and I can't pull it out because he has my hands on lock down. I tried to wriggled the damn thing out with my tongue and my teeth, and then he pushed it straight back in, before slowly drawing it back out again. And then I know what he wants to do with it. I guess at least he's found a use for the damn thing, making me simulate my dream onto it while he watches. Can he read my mind or something? He knocked everything else off the bed before laying on me, his leg rubbing against my actual dick, and he slowly pulled it in and out of my mouth. And I had no choice but to go with it.

Actually, it was kinda hot. I got into it, every suck and lick and kiss like an echo of my dream, except I'm staring into Cas' eyes and he's staring back at me like somehow this is happening to him. I lost control, writhing on the bed, trying to free my hands so I could grab at him, wanting some kind of friction to soothe my growing erection. God, this has been on my mind all day, screwing Cas. And now it's here and the bastard's taking his time and I'm going to lose my head if he does this all night.

'Cas,' I tried to say around the rubber. 'Cas-'

'Shhhhh!' He murmured, and kissed my neck, ignoring me as I tried to grind against his leg. Doesn't he get it? I want to be in him right now. I've waited all damn day, I took him on his date, am I not going to get anything here? He shifted his position, pinning my arms back with his knees, his junk pressing against my chin as he left the dildo alone, halfway down my throat, and he pulled his tie off, looking back at me like he wanted to fuck me just as much. 'How much do you trust me, Dean?'

I didn't try to answer. He'd know from looking in my eyes. He smiled, and brought the tie up to my eyes, tying it around the back of my head, and I couldn't see shit, could just feel him pressing his balls against my throat, securing my hands above my head somehow. And then he snapped his fingers, and I felt cooler, like my clothes had suddenly disappeared. I could feel his warm skin pressing against mine, the hairs on his legs tickling my arms, the fuzz of his pubes scratching against my skin, and I knew he'd zapped our clothes away. What the hell is he planning? And I thought Cas was innocent, when did he get so domineering? Not that I'm complaining, because this is damn hot. I just wish he'd speed it up, I'm going to blow before anything good happens at this rate. I wanna tell him about the image that's been in my head since I woke up, but he hasn't taken the dildo out of my mouth. He's not going to either, I realised, all he did was pull it back slightly, still in my mouth but no longer down my throat, and then he started kissing down my body, sucking on my neck so long I know it's going to leave a mark. And I could feel him licking along my tattoo, following the pattern with his tongue, dragging his mouth down until he hit my nipple, which he started lapping at and sucking on as he scratched down my sides, digging his nails in. Fuck. I could feel myself bucking like crazy, trying to connect with him, trying to get some damn relief, I could hear myself making wild noises around the dildo. But every time I moved, I pulled on my arms, and my wrists were starting to hurt. Could he tell? We need to slow down, we need a safe word, and I need to fuck his brains out.

He paused for a moment, and then I felt gentle kisses down my stomach, could feel him going from one of my abs to another, back and forth, down my body. And then he was licking down my happy trail, and finally, finally he was on me, the way I'd been wanting. And then I realised it wasn't going to be how I wanted, because he blindfolded me. I couldn't see anything he's doing. I was counting on seeing him down on me, part of the thrill was seeing his reaction to this. I don't get why he blindfolded me, unless he thinks it'll improve the experience? After all, I have no idea what he's planning.

Like, I had no warning when he put a cool gel all over my dick, or that he was going to start massaging my balls as he licked along the veins. I'm not going to hold it together much longer. I could hear myself breathing around the dildo, moaning and making these weird sounds, like I was trying not to cry, but I swear that was only because what he was doing with my junk felt so damn good. And he kept making noises himself, the same noises I make with good pie. Or any kind of pie.

Was that gel stuff lube? Did he have that in one of his bags? I wanna play with that too. He took his time on me, nibbling the side of my dick so lightly that instead of freaking out about his teeth there, I felt myself spasm involuntarily. And then he finally put his mouth around me, sucking gently, working with the way my body moved, like he just knew what to expect from me. I can't believe he's never done this kind of thing before, the guy's a pro.

He backed off before I got totally lost in his mouth on my dick and his hands on my balls, and scooted back up my body, finally taking the dildo out of my mouth, and kissing me, his tongue licking along the roof of my mouth, and the taste was strange. Like cherries and salt. It hit me that the lube was flavoured, and mixed in with pre-cum. That kinky fucker.

'Dean?' he whispered as he pulled out of the kiss, not letting me get a word in edgeways. 'Is this okay so far?'

'Yeah,' My voice hitched where I was so worked up. I need some release already. 'Yeah Cas. I trust you, right?'

'Right. So, um, so can I try something else?'

'What else? Tell me.'

He didn't answer immediately, and I realised he was feeling coy about this. What does he want that he's so afraid to ask for when he's already bound and gagged me, blindfolded me, and sucked my cock?

'I can't say it.' Cas's voice is barely there.

'If you can't say it, you can't have it.' I decided.

'Really?'

'Really. Spit it out Cas, I'm about to blow.'

'Well, I think they call it anal sex.'

He wants an in on my ass?

'Go for it.' My voice sounded strained, and I knew I was close, whether he goes for it or not. Just the thought of it, of Cas being in complete control of me like it, is drawing me right to the edge. But he surprised me, and nearly had me blow all over him, when he put more lube on my dick and stroked it around gently. I was hyper aware of every touch, and I forced myself to hold it in, as much as I could. I don't know what I was waiting for, exactly. Maybe Cas' permission? I mean, that seemed to make sense for the situation we were in. I had to concentrate so hard, especially when he started to straddle me, lowering himself slowly onto me, gasping and yelping as he went.

'Cas? Are you okay?' I managed to ask through gritted teeth. He hasn't started this properly at all. I can feel him, squeezing against me, resisting it slightly, even as he held me in place, trying to get a good angle.

'Yes, Dean. I used the plug before the oral sex.'

He sucks at sex talk, but it still turned me on way too much. I'm not going to last long with him. He finally slid down me, groaning as he did, and I lost it, just on that sound, of the feel of him snug around my dick. We barely even started. He stopped moving, and I knew he could feel the change as I released into his ass. There was a really awkward moment, where nothing happened, and I couldn't look at him to know if he was upset, or surprised, or if this is what he thought sex was.

'Sorry, Cas,' I gasped out, and felt him pull up, off of me. I felt the bed shift as he crawled along, not touching me, and then he pulled his tie away from my eyes.

'Was that meant to happen?' He checked.

'No. I'm sorry, Cas, I've been good to go all day, I just couldn't fight it any more. It'll be better next time, okay? I promise.'

Cas nodded, and ran a hand through my hair, his expression tender.

'I still enjoyed it.'

'Me too.'

He smiled.

'Even this?' He touched the handcuffs. 'Even though I was in charge?'

'Yeah. It drove me crazy not knowing what you were going to do, but it was kind of exciting, too.'

'I liked trying to figure out what you would enjoy.' He seemed shy suddenly, like when he was asking to ride my dick.

'I was trying to figure out how you knew all that stuff.'

He kissed me gently, reaching up and doing something to free my hands. As soon as they were released, I wrapped them around him, pulling him closer, hoping that maybe we could work me up to be ready to go again. He stopped kissing me before we really got anywhere, looking into my eyes again.

'I didn't know exactly what I was doing, Dean. I've never done this with anyone else before.'

'I haven't done this with a guy before.' I lied. I kind of have, back when I had to do anything to feed Sammy. But not the way Cas and I did, not because I respected them, or wanted them around. So it was only a little lie.

'Well, I'm glad I could be your first for that.' Cas grinned, and I was completely gone. 'Why me? Why when you've always been promiscuous with women?'

I tried to ignore that last comment, knowing he didn't mean it as a dig.

'I don't know, Cas. Because I'd do anything for you?'

'I'd do anything for you too, Dean.'

I squeezed him tighter.

'You wanna do the bondage thing again?'

He nodded.

'If that's okay with you?'

I nodded, but didn't elaborate. I didn't think I needed to. He didn't act like I did. Instead, he curled up onto my chest.

'Dean?'

'Mmm?'

'I feel complete in a very strange way, being like this with you.'

I didn't know how to answer that, but he continued chattering, and I fell asleep to the sound of his voice. The last words I remembered hearing left me drifting off with a big grin on my face.

'I mean, I never noticed anything missing, exactly, and then we bonded and I felt this ache all the time, and now I know I was just waiting to connect like this with you. It's like we're soulmates, although I don't have a soul, obviously. Could a soul and a grace be separated, somehow? I think ours were …'

He is too freaking cute.


End file.
